Tucson, Baja Arizona: New studies suggest that much of the psychosis evident in American society and culture is all due to the negative influences of Santa Claus, a scientist with the General Delivery University Department of Phreneology announced today.

"The model of relationship Santa establishes among children sets the stage for very dysfunctional adults," Dr. Phineas Freebunk said today.

"Just look at American society now...everyone expects a free lunch, no one will accept any responsibility for their behaviour, and everyone expects the government to solve all their problems with someone else paying the taxes," Freebunk explained.

"So think back to the message of Santa...get up on his lap with your list of goodies, smile, and bingo you get all that stuff under the tree," Freebunk added.

"Ask and you shall receive. Make a list of what you want, throw a lot of fits, and mommy and or daddy gives you the brand new whatever," Freebunk said.

"You grow up expecting your wife or husband to be your Santa, and your mayor, your congressman and your preseident," Freebunk huffed.

"The role of Santa needs to be changed. He needs his own list of who's been naughty or nice, and he needs to leave lumps of coal for the bad little boys ands girls and President Bush and his advisers."

SANTA REALLY SATAN IN DISGUISE

Phoenix: The Right Reverend Billy Joe Bash affiliated with the First Church of the Divine Explanation denounced Santa today, claiming Santa was really Satan.

"Santa" and "Satan" are spelled with exactly the same letters," Bash cited.

"And both wear red outfits," he added.

Bash wants all references to Santa stricken from print, television, radio, music, and whatever new fangled communications contraptions are out there.

"Any reference to Santa is simply a promotion for Satan, so he's got to disappear," Bash said.

Bash's group plans to set fire to plastic santas in the next few days to bring attention to their effort called "Get Satan Out of Christmas".

A spokesman for Jolly Old St. Nick at the North Pole responded to the news that a US religious group was seeking to banish him in America.

"When is someone going to figure out why the rest of the world thinks Americans are crazy?"

Santa does not plan an active resistance to the Bash Santa campaign.  "Giving toys to millions of kids gives me a pretty strong support base," Santa snickered.

AOL USER WARNING

AOL TRICKS SEARCH ENGINE USERS FOR HOLIDAYS

Anyone using the AOL search engine the last few days may have noticed very few actual answers to your search  questions, and a lot of advertising.

A friend and support of the Bandersnatch showed us how the search on the word "photosynthesis" produced ads for plants.

Further exploration of the AOL search function showed that the standard "word" and + or , commands common to other search engines only confines the AOL search to commercial opportunities.

Though AOL shows the search as a Google search, it ain't.

From your AOL page type in www.google.com at the top and AOL will take you actually to www.google.com/aol and keep you trapped in what looks to be skewed results.

Delete the /aol on top and get directly to www.google.com without any AOL layer and you get a real genuine search.

Nasty nasty stuff going on there...and hopefully millions of AOL users are screaming loudly.