The Frumious Bandersnatch Satirical Newspaper

THE OFFICIAL SATIRICAL NEWSPAPER OF BAJA ARIZONA

JANUARY, 2006


BANDERSNATCH RESPONDS TO ELECTRONIC SPIES

Dear Spies:

We know you are reading this because President Bush has violated the law and allowed massive spying on American citizens.

Back in 1776 a courageous bunch of British colonial subjects decided that "we the people, in order to form a more perfect union..." decided to launch the greatest revolution in human history.

That revolution resulted in the creation of a new kind of country, dedicated to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness".

For the next 229 years the people who became the Americans have struggled to build a just and free society, relishing diversity, protecting individual liberties..."one nation, under God, with truth and justice for all."

The core of the American experiment was the trust of the government in the people. The government of the United States of America serves the people. It does not rule the people.

America is a crazy quilt of different types of people believing a lot of different things. It is this diversity of color, religion and belief that has made us strong.

America is also the beacon of freedom and opportunity for the world...at least it once was.

But, George W. Bush and his gang have hijacked the good name and good will of the American people and squandered it in his monomaniacal pursuits.

Just because a guy is President doesn't make him right.

For too long the American people have been bamboozled into trusting a leadership that is morally bankrupt and dangerously arrogant about their abuse of power.

So that's why you, the spies, are reading this in your dark little room somewhere in Virginia or Maryland.

We are children of the 60's. Our parents fought the great wars against Fascism, Nazism, and Imperialism. And we started fighting our own war in the 1960's for truth and justice at home. For civil rights. For eradication of poverty.

The Frumious Bandersnatch has been around for 41 years now. Originally an "off-campus" newspaper at the University of Arizona, we were subjected to J. Edgar Hoover's spies. It was deemed "unpatriotic" to opposed the Vietnam War. A war which we as a nation were tricked into fighting by the Tonkin Gulf lies and the "domino theory".

And here we are again, 40 years later, tricked into another war by lies, and an Islamic radical domino theory. And with a government so determined to perpetuate its folly that the death toll of US soldiers killed in Iraq will eventually exceed the number of deaths in 9/11. For what? Osama is still hiding in his cave somewhere plotting more mayhem against us.

Mr. Bush you have atrociously failed your duty to the American people.

And it is an act of patriotism to speak out that your war is wrong, your policies are wrong, and you are wrecking what it has taken generations of people to create...America.

So, spies, read the Declaration of Independence. And read the history of this great nation you work for. And decide for yourself...who is really subverting this country?


BACK ISSUES

SANTA BLAMED FOR SOCIETY'S PSYCHOSIS

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ENDORSES ALITO FOR SUPREME COURT

EXTREME MAKEOVER TO REBUILD NEW ORLEANS

DEER SEEN AS TERRORIST THREAT

PLANETARY ROTATION BLAMED FOR EARTHQUAKES

LAWYER BUYOUT PROGRAM PROPOSED

SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY BY DYING YOUNGER

SADDAM COMMITS SUICIDE - APRIL FOOLS

BIRDS IMITATE CELL PHONES

THE NEWS FROM BAJA ARIZONA

BAJA ARIZONA

TUCSON

GREEN VALLEY

TUBAC

NOGALES

KOKOPELLI COUNTY

BANDERSNATCH CLASSICS

BAD COW PUBLIC RELATIONS

ARE WE BEING BUTTONED TO DEATH?

A MODERN NOAH'S ARK

10 WATER LAWS OF THE WEST

SAVE THE BUGS

LITTLE LEAGUE LESSONS OF LIFE

INTERNATIONAL NEGOTIATIONS

NEW RULES OF WAR PROPOSED

NEW WONDER DRUG PLACEBO DISCOVERED

TRAILER PARK SEEKS HISTORIC STATUS

INDIAN RUINS PROPOSED AS LOW INCOME HOUSING

WOLVES IN CENTRAL PARK

FREEWAY MEDIANS NEW LANDFILL SITES

FEMININE SIDE OF WATER

IRS REFORMS SORT OF

CONGRESS INDICTED FOR SECURITIES FRAUD

THE INTERNET WITCH

THE RECENT PAST THROUGH BANDERSNATCH EYES (1997-2004)

ALIENS INVADE ARIZONA

STANDARD NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

ROCK N ROLL NURSING HOME

PLAN TO BEAUTIFY HOMELESS

BAD TUNNEL DESIGN BLAMED FOR DI'S DEMISE

CIG SETTLEMENT SUCKS

FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL FOUND

ALIENS INVADE MARS

MAYTAG REPAIRMAN OFFERS TO SAVE MIR

CLINTON DEFINITON OF SEX

TAMPA TO HOST 2008 WINTER OLYMPICS

NY HOMELESS REFUSE TO EAT PIGEOMS

BAPTISTS STRANDED ON TREASURE ISLAND

BANDERSNATCH BAD ADVICE

PERSONAL RELATIONS

GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER RODENT

HOW TO WRECK YOUR ROMANCE

HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO SLEEP WITH YOUR LOVER

HOW TO BLEND YOUR CATS

HOW TO LIVE ALONE

HOW TO SOLVE A PROBLEM

HOW TO INDUCE A CASE OF CLINICAL DEPRESSION

HOW TO LIVE FOREVER

HOW TO AVOID BEING KILLED BY THE POLICE

TRUST THE POWER OF NOT NOW

BUSINESS AND FINANCE

HOW TO AVOID MAKING A DECISION

1000 WAYS TO WASTE YOUR MONEY

HOW TO WASTE TIME

HOW TO ANNOY YOUR BOSS

HOW TO AVOID WORK

HOW TO LIVE ON 1/10TH THE INCOME

HOW TO BUY A CAR

HOW TO FIND YOUR CAR

INVEST IN THE BANDERSNATCH

HOW TO SAVE MONEY ON YOUR TAXES

POLITICS

CHICAGO RULES OF CAMPAIGN FINANCE

HOW TO STEAL AN ELECTION

ANIMALS

HOW TO TRAIN A HUMAN


BANDERSNATCH GUIDES

GLOBAL WARMING

SANTA CRUZ SAND TROUT

SUMMER CAMPS

HOW TO SPEND YOUR VACATION

CODE OF THE CITY

EVAPORATIVE COOLERS

SAN DIEGO



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GROUNDHOG DAY

VALENTINE'S DAY

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Copyright 2005 by Hugh Holub
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