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NEW FALL TELEVISION SHOWS ANNOUNCED
Following the trend with crime oriented shows, two new reality-based police
investigative shows were announced by the CBS network.
SNITCH will air on Wednesday nights at 9 Eastern. "This show is
based on how police departments mostly solve cases," said John Plada, head
of Angleworm Productions. Each show will focus on how police figure
out who they can get to rat out the real suspect, and the various methods they
use to get the target to snitch. "Under-the-table payments, deals to reduce
charges in other cases, and outright intimidation will be regular
features," said Plada.
DUMB LUCK will be broadcast on Thursday nights at a time yet to be
determined. Based on real cases from around the country, each show will feature
how the police caught a notorious criminal through sheer dumb luck. "The
first show will tell the story about how a culprit sought in 37 bank robberies
was caught by a parking meter maid for failing to put a quarter in the
meter."
The Changar Cable Network launches its new season with a new reality
competition show called PENDEJO. Twelve contestants will start the season
trying to out do each other in mean, petty behavior in various settings,
including serving as judges for American Idol.
The History Channel most promising Fall show will re-enact famous verbal
conflicts throughout history. The new show will be called DISTORY.
NBC, not to be outdone by CBS, counterattacks CBS' successful CSI series by
focusing on poorly funded and understaffed crime labs in cities such as Phoenix,
who are still waiting for finger print results in the 1979 murder of reporter
John Bolles. The show, called CRIMELAB, will follow a small group of
burnt-out criminal investigators pleading for replacement of their 1980 IBM
computers, losing evidence to mouse infestations, and routine thefts of murder
weapons from their evidence lockers.
ABC plans a new show based on the political scheming inside the Executive
Office Building right next to the White House. Called EOB, this show will
show the true underbelly of American government, where corruption runs rampant.
FOX announced it will broadcast a weekly nude mud wrestling match between
prominent Republicans and Democrats. The first show will feature Ann
Coulter vs Hillary Clinton.
NEW POLITICAL PARTY ANNOUNCED
Frustrated with the Democratic and Republican political
parties, a group of twenty-somethings announced the formation of a new political
party last night. The party, which hasn't been named yet, will have the
following platform:
- Equality
of opportunity. This is a foundation of the American Dream. Doesn’t
matter how rich or poor you are or your parents were. Doesn’t matter what
color or religion you are. Everyone has the same chance to make their lives
better. A key to equality of opportunity is a much better public educational
system than we have now.
- Rights
and responsibilities. Everyone
knows their “rights” but the idea that rights come with responsibilities
seems to have gotten lost out there. The
cowboy philosophy is you can do pretty damned well what you want as long as
it doesn’t hurt anyone else.
- Family
and community. The home and the community are our foundations of
civilized life. Our governmental policy…while claiming to be “family
friendly” really isn’t. Making distinctions between “good” families
(i.e. MF) is bullshit. The best parents I ever knew were two lesbians
raising their 2 daughters. Family
needs to be defined by people who love each other. Period. And extend that
into a broader community of interests. Encouraging people to help each
other…share in each other’s joys and sorrows, instead of fighting for
parking spaces at the WalMart.
- The
environment. We simply cannot go on exploiting our environment like
there’s no tomorrow. We need to take a kinder and gentler view of our
environment and recognize anything we do to harm that harms ourselves.
- Economics.
Free wheeling unregulated business doesn’t take into account environmental
values or social welfare values. Everything is driven by “rate of return
on common equity”. Workers get screwed when shareholders and investment
bankers run the show. There needs to be balance and fairness here. Companies
should be mandated to provide health insurance and pensions. And we should
not let other countries compete against us who don’t take care of their
environment or people. Making everything “cheap” means exploiting child
labor and the planet and that will all come back to bite us. “Free
trade” means millions lose. Fair trade means everyone wins.
- Taxation.
The whole tax code is riddled with special interest exemptions. Poor
people pay more in taxes than rich people. There should be a single tax rate
for everyone with an income over $100,000 and no tax for people earning less
than $100,000. A national sales tax of 1% would also be good.
- Lobbying
and special interests. Either eliminate them, or require funding for
everyone other special interest so everyone has a lobbyist including poor
people.
- Military.
We need a kick ass military system that works, is well trained, and is used
to protect us from people who really do want to destroy us (not the fantasy
enemies Bush has invented). Our military capacity should not be used to
impose our ideas on anyone else. Neither should it be used to prop up
dictators or regimes that happen
to have a lot of oil or bananas or whatever.
- Limiting
the role of government. Our federal government is the Great Nanny. Even
with trillions of dollars it is always broke. That’s because we expect our
government to everything at once. Forget that. There are some things only a
government can do…police forces, fire protection, military protection,
foreign relations, building interstate highways (and hopefully alternative
modes of transportation). But it is not the federal government’s
responsibility to make us better people as defined by whatever the majority
is in the House and Senate. What a federal government can do effectively is
create a level playing field across the country –minimum standards for
such things as anti-trust—national environmental standards, etc—with
states allowed to exceed those standards.
- Global
responsibility. We are the riches society ever created in human history.
But what do we do with our vast wealth?
RANT ABOUT FUNDING OUR DEMISE
Something that strikes me as extremely stupid.
It is pretty obvious that because our country depends so much on foreign oil, we
end up sending our money to places like Saudi Arabia and Iran who are using our
money to destroy us.
Every time we fill up our gas tanks, we are bankrolling our ultimate
destruction environmentally and politically.
The issue is not that we’re driving around in giant SUV’s its what the
fuel is that runs them and where does it come from.
Brazil decided recently to eliminate the use of foreign oil in that country. And
interesting the people who make cars have come up with cars that run on sugar
cane which Brazil grows a lot of.
The new hybrid cars are cool. Why aren’t there lots more of them?
We’re all being treated like sheep being led to the slaughter by not
connecting our dollars to where they go and what use those dollars are put to.
We ought to find out which gasoline company buys the most crude oil from Saudi
Arabia or Iran and start a boycott against them "We’re not going to spend
our money helping Osama bin Laden".
The message ought to be delivered directly by the American people to our
government and business interests we’re not going to pay our hard earned
money to let you line the pockets of terrorists.
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ON YOUR FIRST
DATE:
--I just got out of prison.
--Can we go somewhere private because my spouse is jealous and has a gun.
--I’m having a sex change operation next week.
--I’m with the FBI.
--Aren’t you that nerdy kid I knew from high school?
--My mother is waiting in the car.
--Got any meth?
--I’m a reporter with Eyewitness News.
--I haven’t bathed in a month.
--I’m carrying a weapon.
--I’m being followed by a secret government agency.
--I’ve had sex with 99 people this week.
--I have 9 kids.
For those of you who do not believe in
Sorcery...
"Magic" means making the improbable happen. Real "Magic" is
not sleight-of-hand...it is a fundamental change in expectations...things happen
that should not otherwise.
In the old days, Magicians, Sorcerers, Goddesses, and Witches all practiced
Magic.
There is White Magic and Black Magic. As with all things, there is good and
evil. Actually, there just "is".
The various newer religions had to wipe out competing Magicians, and expropriate
Magic to themselves. Hence the magic of Christ walking on water, making bread
from stones, and the Resurrection.
However, Magicians and Sorcerers survive to this day. They had to learn to cloak
themselves in modern garb and live quietly amongst us.
If you doubt there are Sorcerers amongst us...think about...
Karl Rove who turned a pile of shit into the President of the United States.
Modern Sorcerers are everywhere making improbable things happen. They
concentrate in the fields of Law (think about the lawyers who got OJ acquitted),
Public Relations (how did we end up in Iraq?), Advertising (so do you really
need a Blackberry?), Lobbying (Congress just increased the income tax on
teenagers), Politics (behind every President is some guy who "saw" a
mediocre person as Commander in Chief).
You would be very surprised how much sorcery is going on around you.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER RODENT
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