I know the truth about Hell. But it wasn’t getting sent to Nogales like I thought it was.

Let me back up a bit. I’m Special Agent John Vrabec lately a one man task force working for the Attorney General’s Office assigned to investigate public corruption cases. I’ve had a license to kill for thirty years now. A badge and a gun. So far I haven’t actually killed anyone and maybe I’ll luck out and make to retirement with no dead bodies haunting me. At least none I’m responsible for. Started out with a city police department and, depending on how you look at it, I’ve worked my way up or down the ladder. Working for the AG seemed like a good way to get to the magic day when the checks would keep coming, but I didn’t have to show up for work.

Then the boss called me in and said “you need to go down to Nogales .”

Fred is a nice enough guy, and I really liked working out of the capitol. Occasionally had to go down to Tucson , other parts of the state. But never Nogales .  Went there when I was in college..the usual…buy some beer and some cheap crap.

“What’s going on there?” I asked, stupidly.

“We’ve got two dead bodies in the Nogales Wash and we need you to figure out what’s going on,” Fred said.

“Since when are murder cases our jurisdiction? Isn’t that the local cops problem?”

“This one’s strange. One of the deaders is fresh. The other was embalmed. Both found in the Wash like they cam from the same place,” Fred explained.

“So how  does that come up on our radar screen? Aren’t we the public corruption unit?”

“The deaders came from the municipal cemetery,” answered.

Oh shit I’m thinking.

“I still don’t get it.”

“There was a drug tunnel that started in the city cemetery.”

I’d read about the drug tunnels of Nogales . The town is right on the border with Mexico and it seemed like they were discovering tunnels under the city every week. Like the place was being undermined by giant termites. I’d read somewhere that the local chamber of commerce was even sponsoring drug tunnel tours since the tunnels seemed to be the only thing of interest about the place that might attract tourists. I’d thought it was a joke at the time.

“OK. But why are we in this one?”

“It’s no secret that Nogales is probably the most corrupt city in the state.”

“So why haven’t we done anything about it?” I asked, getting dumber by the second.

“We’ve got a whole room full of complaints about the shit going on down there. This mayor giving that buddy a favor, that contract being awarded without a bid. The usual crap. The fibbies did a major investigation and found out everyone down there was doing favors for their buddies, but no cash was changing hands. They were doing it out of some kind of strange loyalty deal. They even had their own name for it. Compadres they called it.”

“And?”

“We figured, if the people down there wanted bad government, they could have it as long as it didn’t affect the rest of the state.”

“Sort of like a quarantine?”

“Their ambitions were small. They kept their chummy dealings inside their city, and every couple of years the voters would a new bunch of compadres into office and a new bunch of cronies would get the contracts, and on and on. Sort of spreading around the wealth.”

“This isn’t in Mexico , is it?”

“Nope. Our state. Actually, we thought about seeing if we could trade the city back to Mexico and get something of value for it.”

“You’re joking.”

“The Gov actually suggested it to the governor of Sonora at one of those Arizona Mexico Commission meetings. The Mexicans declined the offer. They said they’d been trying to rid their country of corruption for the last decade, and if Nogales ended up on their side of the line, it’d set them back 100 years.”

“So why now we get involved?”

“They started killing people.”

“I just go down for a couple of days and check this out?”

“Nope. You are permanently assigned to Nogales . You are going to live there.”

That’s when I realized I’ve done something to piss the AG off. You do not go from trying to bag valley mayors to dead bodies in a border town because you’re the current wonder boy of the agency.

“OK. Who’d I piss off?”

“Let me put it like this. You are the most senior agent in our agency. You’re 2 years from retirement. And while that was a great piece of work taking down 4 elected officials in Maricopa County , you’re just a little too hot right now to be here. The boss wants you out of sight.”

I’m thinking, at least they’re not sending me up to Colorado City where all the Mormon polygamists live, or over to the river which is even hotter than Phoenix . Maybe I could actually make this Nogales thing work.

“Oh, and you’re going in under cover.”

Fred paused and then he broke out in a shit eating grin I’ll never forget.

“You’re going to be a city cemetery worker.”

*****