The Frumious Bandersnatch Satirical Newspaper

satirical newspaper,parody,political humor,satire

December, 2008 . . . Published Sort of Monthly
The Frumuous Bandersnatch Satirical Newspaper founded in 1965...On-line in 1997...One of America's oldest satirical newspapers.


POLITICS

NEW POLITICAL AUCTION SITE LAUNCHED The Chicago Machine has found another way to sell offices.MORE HERE
THE CHICAGO RULES OF POLITICS We got this memo from The Chicago Machine.MORE HERE
SENATOR OFFERS VOTES FOR SALE ON eBAY Boy, did we have a crystal ball a year ago.MORE HERE
THE NEWS FROM BAJA ARIZONA

BAJA ARIZONA

TUCSON

GREEN VALLEY

TUBAC

NOGALES

KOKOPELLI COUNTY

10 WATER LAWS OF THE WEST

A SERIOUS GUIDE TO THE BORDER PATROL

read about bordertown


ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS

SAVE THE BUGS

DESERT VIOLATES ENVIRONMENTAL STANDARDS

DUST BUNNIES DECLARED ENDANGERED SPECIES



REAL ADVERTISEMENTS - HELP KEEP US ALIVE ON THE WEB




SITE LISTINGS

SITE LISTING INFO


SANTA SEEKS BAILOUT FROM US GOVERNMENT

Santa's Workshop has sunk and he needs a rescue.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT SANTA'S CRISIS.


SANTA'S ELVES TO BE INDICTED FOR INSIDER TRADING

An indictment alleging insider trading is expected any day charging Santa's elves with insider trading.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT WHAT THE ELVES ARE UP TO.


SANTA PROTESTS PAULSON'S INFRINGMENT

There can only be one Santa at a time.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT SANTA'S BEEF WITH THE US TREASURY SECRETARY.


MOST REQUESTED THINGS FOR CHRISTMAS

We intercepted Santa's mail, and here's the top things people want this Christmas

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT WHAT WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS.


CARDBOARD BOXES AND STICKS FOR CHRISTMAS?

A new trend has emerged in shopping for toys this season

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT CHEAP TOYS.


COAL SHORTAGE FORECAST THIS CHRISTMAS

An unusually heavy demand on our coal supply has resulted in forecasts of a shortage by Christmas.

FIND OUT WHY.


SANTA ACCUSED OF BEING SATAN

Is Santa really evil?.

FIND OUT MORE.


A MODERN SANTA -- POEM

What if your home has no chimney? How will Santa bring your kids their toys?.

FIND OUT MORE.


THERE'S A CHRISTMAS TREE CONSPIRACY OUT THERE

Conpiracies are everywhere..

FIND OUT MORE.



SAVE THOUSAND ON YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATION -- GET YOUR FREE COLLEGE DIPLOMA HERE



OBITUARIES FOR THE LIVING

Have you ever wondered what people would write about you when you die? 

Do you feel you are sort of facing the question of what happens when a tree falls in a forest and if no one is around, does the falling tree make a sound?

Have you ever wondered how frustrating it must be to have to die first, and then not be able to read your obituary?

Are you sufficiently famous enough that some cub reporter has called you for an interview because the newspaper is writing your obituary in advance of your death so that if you suddenly die the paper will be able to print your obit the next day?

Have you prepared your obit so your survivors will have something to send to the newspaper after you die?

WHY WAIT?

Have your obituary printed now, while you are sill alive and can enjoy it!

And have control over what is being said about your life!!

For $20.00 we will publish your obituary on The Frumious Bandersnatch web site and leave it up indefinitely (as long as we're alive and on the web). Email your obituary (in .doc or html) to holaw@mindspring.com. When we receive your check (and it clears) at OBITUARIES FOR THE LIVING, P.O. box 4773, Tubac, Arizona 85646 we will post your obit.

DON'T LET YOUR LIFE PASS WITHOUT RECOGNITION


BUY OUR BOOKS AS HOLIDAY GIFTS!!!

A parody self-help book that will teach you how to avoid being killed by the cops, how to live on 1/10th your income, how to wreck your life, and much more. Only $15.95 at Amazon.com.


The one and only GDU Catalog. Get your entire college experience without having to go to class for only $10.95 at Lulu.com


The very best stories from The Frumious Bandersnatch since its first edition to now, only $15.95 at Lulu.com


GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER RODENT

by Hugh Holub

INTRODUCTION

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

TRUST THE POWER OF NOT NOW

HOW TO CREATE A STATE OF CLINICAL DEPRESSION

WOMEN ARE FROM NORDSTROM'S MEN ARE FROM HOME DEPOT

LITTLE LEAGUE LESSONS OF LIFE

HOW TO SLEEP WITH YOUR LOVER

HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP FAIL

SCREWING UP YOUR ROMANCE

HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO LIVE ALONE

HOW TO BLEND YOUR PETS

HOW TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE

TAKE OUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST

TAKE OUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST

 

BUSINESS AND FINANCE

 

1000 WAYS TO WASTE YOUR MONEY

HOW TO LIVE ON 1/10TH YOUR INCOME

HOW TO MAKE ARBITRARY AND CAPRICIOUS DECISIONS

HOW TO AVOID WORK

HOW TO BUY A CAR AND MAKE THE DEALER REALLY HAPPY

HOW TO ANNOY YOUR BOSS

HOW TO WASTE TIME EFFECTIVELY

10 WATER LAWS OF THE WEST

THE EXPONENTIAL IMPROBABILITY OF SUCCESS AND OTHER NEGOTIATION THEORIES

POLITICS

Chicago Rules of Politics

LIFESTYLE

CODE OF THE CITY

HOW TO AVOID BEING KILLED BY THE POLICE

HOW TO FIND YOUR LOST CAR

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR HOME

ADVERTISEMENT NEW  MENTAL HEALTH SAFETY PLAN OFFERED

ARE WE BEING PUSHED TOO FAR?

GUIDE TO SUMMER CAMPS

How To Live Forever

SUMMER VACATION ADVICE

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR HUMAN

HOW TO SOLVE A PROBLEM

 


MORE CHRISTMAS STORIES CLICK HERE

SPECIAL REPORT ON THE ECONOMIC MESS

DESIGN YOUR OWN 2012 REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HERE

BACK ISSUES

2008 PRE-ELECTION SPECIAL: McCAIN BLAMES SHORTER DAYS ON OBAMA

US ECONOMY CRATERS

OFFSHORE DRILLING PROPOSED OFF REPUBLICAN COASTS

CALENDAR MAKERS PROTEST END OF TIME

INTERSECTIONS PROVEN TO CAUSE TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS

2008 APRIL FOOL EDITION

US TO BUY CUBA

BENEFITS OF RECESSION TOUTED

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY PANDERING

2007 Christmas Issue

SENATOR OFFERS VOTES FOR SALE ON eBAY

SELLING ICE TO ESKIMOES

CHINESE TOY CONSPIRACY

SEND ILLEGAL ALIENS TO IRAQ

BAJA ARIZONA NEWS

2007 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION

GLOBAL WARMING BLAMED ON TERRORISTS

BOMBING IRAQ WITH DOLLARS PROPOSED

ALCATRAZ REOPENED AS A WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL PRISON

GOP BLAMES DEMOCRATS

FALL TV SHOWS FOUND FLAKEY

BUSH VOCABULARY LIMITS IRAQ POLICY

QUIT SMOKING AND ENJOY IT

2006 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION

HUMANS EVOLVED FROM RODENTS

US-MEXICO BORDER SAME AS ISRAEL-PALESTINE BORDER

BANDERSNATCH RESPONDS TO ELECTRONIC SPIES

SANTA BLAMED FOR SOCIETY'S PSYCHOSIS

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ENDORSES ALITO FOR SUPREME COURT

EXTREME MAKEOVER TO REBUILD NEW ORLEANS

DEER SEEN AS TERRORIST THREAT

PLANETARY ROTATION BLAMED FOR EARTHQUAKES

LAWYER BUYOUT PROGRAM PROPOSED

SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY BY DYING YOUNGER

SADDAM COMMITS SUICIDE - 2005 APRIL FOOLS

BIRDS IMITATE CELL PHONES


ADVERTISEMENTS


SELF HELP ADVICE

WRECK YOUR LIFE GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER RODENT

TAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST

TAKE OUR SEXUAL INCOMPATIBILITY TEST


BANDERSNATCH CLASSICS

BAD COW PUBLIC RELATIONS

A MODERN NOAH'S ARK

SAVE THE BUGS

NEW RULES OF WAR PROPOSED

NEW WONDER DRUG PLACEBO DISCOVERED

TRAILER PARK SEEKS HISTORIC STATUS

INDIAN RUINS PROPOSED AS LOW INCOME HOUSING

WOLVES IN CENTRAL PARK

FREEWAY MEDIANS NEW LANDFILL SITES

FEMININE SIDE OF WATER

IRS REFORMS SORT OF

CONGRESS INDICTED FOR SECURITIES FRAUD

THE INTERNET WITCH


THE PAST DECADE THROUGH BANDERSNATCH EYES (1997-2004)

ALIENS INVADE ARIZONA

ROCK N ROLL NURSING HOME

PLAN TO BEAUTIFY HOMELESS

BAD TUNNEL DESIGN BLAMED FOR DI'S DEMISE

CIG SETTLEMENT SUCKS

FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL FOUND

ALIENS INVADE MARS

MAYTAG REPAIRMAN OFFERS TO SAVE MIR

CLINTON DEFINITON OF SEX

TAMPA TO HOST 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS

NY HOMELESS REFUSE TO EAT PIGEOMS

BAPTISTS STRANDED ON TREASURE ISLAND


LITERARY AGENT WANTED


BANDERSNATCH GUIDES

GLOBAL WARMING

SANTA CRUZ SAND TROUT

EVAPORATIVE COOLERS

SAN DIEGO


BANDERSNATCH HOLIDAYS

CHRISTMAS

GROUNDHOG DAY

VALENTINE'S DAY

BACK TO SCHOOL

April Fool's Edition


BANDERSNATCH CONSPIRACIES

BAGEL CONSPIRACY

CHRISTMAS TREE CONSPIRACY


STAFF, BUSINESS INFO AND POLICIES

OUR STAFF

BUSINESS INFO

OUR POLICIES

REPRINT INFO

WHAT IS THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH?


The Frumious Bandersnatch
Copyright 2008 by Hugh Holub
THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH is a US federally registered trademark so be very careful

EMAIL US AT EDITOR with your comments & criticisms.