|SANTA FACES HOMELAND
SECURITY ISSUES ENTERING UNITED STATES
North Pole: Santa announced today that he cannot guarantee delivery of toys to every child in the United States due to the increasingly harsh and irrelevant Homeland Security rules.
"My passport expired a few years ago," Santa explained, "and I'm on some kind of terrorist watch list so they won't renew it."
Santa's elves have been declared illegal aliens and won't be allowed into the US, either.
"They are also suspected to be child laborers," added Santa, "just because they're small."
Santa also faces serious problems if he enters US air space.
"I've been told I have to land at the airport nearest the US border, and my sleigh has to pass safety inspections," Santa said.
"Then there's the problem with the toys," Santa added. "I have to show that every single toy was safe and made properly. I'm thinking I can get around that problem by claiming they were all made in China."
Santa's reindeer are also posing an obstacle to visiting every home in the US. "They fly, which is really stirring up a storm of controversy over whether they've been genetically modified or not," Santa said. "Rudolph is even a bigger problem with his nose that glows bright red. Someone in the US government thinks this poses a radiation hazard."
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