The Christmas Story as it might appear on the Fox News Network....
ILLEGAL ALIEN HAS ILLEGITIMATE BIRTH -- BABY EXPECTED TO BE CHARGED WITH TREASON
BETHLEHEM: It was rumored that an unmarried couple from Nazareth stopped in a manger owned by Alfredo Pinchi, a notorious local slumlord, and a baby was born.
"There was no running water, and the place was filled with straw," commented local public health authorities. "We even found a donkey inside."
"The mother gave birth under extremely questionable circumstances," offered Pontius Pilate, Judean candidate for District Attorney. "She claims to have been a virgin."
Unconfirmed reports indicate that Roman authorities are investigating the baby on charges of sedition and treason. "There are a bunch of people running around alleging that the baby is the son of God," explained Pilate, "and that he will have some radical ideas about religion in the future."
Three Kings from the Orient were caught on the outskirts of Bethlehem by the Roman Border Patrol, carrying illegal contraband. "We caught them red-handed with frankincense and myrrh," explained an official with the Border Patrol. "And they didn't have any papers." The Kings were promptly arrested and deported to Syria.
At virtually the same time as the baby was born, a bright star was sighted over Bethlehem. "This is an omen that things are about to radically change in the Empire due to Global Warming," commented Al Gore.
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