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IN THIS ISSUE:                         JULY 2009

HOW TO HAVE AN INTERESTING VACATION

HOW TO AVOID BEING LAID OFF

HOW TO LIVE ALONE

HOW TO BLEND YOUR PETS

HOW TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE

TAKE OUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST

 

Hundreds of funny articles click here>

Wreck your life...Get In Touch With Your Inner Rodent...click here>

 

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GENERAL MOTORS TO CHANGE NAME TO GOVERNMENT MOTORS

General Motors announced today that they will change their name to Government Motors.

"We could still keep our GM logo," said an official with GM.

US government officials had a mixed response to the GM proposal. "You know who will get the blame if this doesn't work out," said a White House official.

Several Indian tribes have offered to take the Pontiac brand of GM cars in exchange for ownership of the Pontiac assembly plant. "We think an Indian made car would really be a hot item," said a spokesman for the consortium of Tribes proposing the deal. "We'll sell them at our casions."

Some began projecting what kind of cars Government Motors would make in the future.

One vision was a lot of small, energy efficient cars that would end US dependence on foreign oil.

"That is a fantasy," said Fred Freebush, a Republican Senator from Baka Arizona. "What the government will end up making will look a lot like those Soviet era cars the Russians made...big, ugly, inefficient...just like the federal government itself."

"Just wait. They will come up with a car that gets 50 miles to the gallon only if it goes backward."

SOTOMAYOR GRILLED AND WELL DONE

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor was put on the Senate Judicial Committee bar b que grill for 4 days and deemed well done by observers.

"The nominee managed to say nothing that could be used against her, unlike the things she said in the past that were used to baste her," said one observer.

"But, she performed extremely well, showing she's smart enough to be a Supreme Court Justice," the observer added.

The GOP is now looking for something new to throw on the bar b que to see if they can generate something to get the public to hate Democrats.

 

 

HOW TO LIVE ON 1/10TH YOUR INCOME

With the recession hitting hard, how does a person live? The answer is simple....you can live on 1/10th the money you used to make.

How does one suffer the loss of 90% of their income and still survive? You must learn the "time value of money" function.

Money, as well all know, buys stuff. The problem is that stuff is expensive, especially new stuff.

For example, a book on the New York Times best seller list will cost around $25. But if you wait ten years for the book to turn up in a used book store, it will cost you $2.50. Exactly 1/10th the original price a decade years later. You pay an extra $22.50 to read the book while it is new. Who needs to be that current, anyway?

A new car loses thousands of dollars in value the minute you drive it off the lot. If you buy a 1999 car today, it will cost 1/10th of the cost of the new car today.

A first run movie costs $10.00, plus the popcorn...for 4 people this is a total of $40. Wait until the movie is for rent at the local video store, and the movie can be seen for $4. Make your own popcorn.

New clothes cost 10 times as much as used clothes. Shop at thirft stores. Who knows the difference after the first time they're washed?

The lesson is obvious...you don't pay for the stuff so much as you pay to have it right now when it is new. The longer you wait, the cheaper things get.

Instead of living in the year 2009, try living in 1999. You'll be amazed at how much you can save by waiting ten years.

The farther back in time you live, the more you will save, up to the point where old stuff becomes historic or collectable.

Just think if you'd saved all the original stuff you once owned. You could be living off selling the stuff today on eBay.

The problem is we are always constantly getting rid of our old stuff to buy new stuff. And paying a premium price for the newness of the stuff.

Does it really matter if you are just now reading 1999 copies of Newsweek? You can do this for free in any doctor's office.

As long as there are people willing to spend a lot of extra money to buy new stuff, there will always be a lot of older stuff around for sale at great discounts. You can furnish your home from yard sales. You can buy really cheap appliances and tools at yard sales. Televisions, even.

The major element of the cost of living is housing. You pay a premium for a house on a foundation. In you don't mind your home being mobile (especially in a tornado) you can get a basic place to live for under $45,000. If you get a really old mobile home (aka "trailer") you could cut that cost down to $4,500. And you might even get to live next to some of Bill Clinton's ex-girl friends.

Medical care is also an expensive part of the cost of living. Hey, who can afford health insurance, anyway? We're all going to die, anyway. Why prolong the process and bankrupt your children.

Remember, it isn't the cost, but the value that counts.


“The Squirrelly Advisor” is a parody of “How To” advice columns.

The premise of “The Squirrelly Advisor” is to address topics of concern from a decidedly off-beat perspective.

When confronted with choices in our lives, we hear the voices of our angels and demons advising us, and sometimes we also hear the voice of the squirrel.

Rarely do we actually act upon the advice of our inner squirrel, but sometimes being able to laugh about our problems opens new doors of awareness.

If you have a question you want some Squirrelly Advice on, send your question to The Squirrel

For more Squirrelly Advice CLICK HERE


 

 

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Copyright 2009 by Hugh A. Holub
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