The Frumious Bandersnatch Satirical Newspaper

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June, 2010 . . . Published Sort of Monthly
The Frumuous Bandersnatch Satirical Newspaper founded in 1965...On-line in 1997...One of America's oldest satirical newspapers.
INTERNATIONALLY INFAMOUS SOURCE OF FAKE NEWS, JUNK SCIENCE, AND REALLY BAD HOW TO ADVICE
READERS IN 202 COUNTRIES

LATEST NEWS ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING


GUIDE TO YOUR EVPORATIVE COOLER


BUY OUR REALLY FUNNY BOOKS !!!!

THESE MAKE GREAT GIFTS

Get them at amazon.com

A parody self-help book that will teach you how to avoid being killed by the cops, how to live on 1/10th your income, how to wreck your life, and much more. Only $15.95 at Amazon.com.


The very best stories from The Frumious Bandersnatch since its first edition to now, only $15.95 at Amazon.com


The one and only GDU Catalog. Get your entire college experience without having to go to class for only $10.95 at Amazon.com


THESE ARE ALL REAL ADVERTISEMENTS - HELP KEEP US ALIVE ON THE WEB

VACATION RENTALS IN TUBAC ARIZONA





AGENT WANTED

I am looking for literary agent to represent me.

BOOKS

Deer Seen As Terrorist Threat.

The General Delivery University Catalog.

Get In Touch With Your Inner Rodent.

SCREENPLAYS

January 20th A terrorist"what if" story.

The Sparrow WWII story about the Air Transport Command

TREATMENTS

SLIDEBACK What if the mob had a war with a big corporation?

THE DEAD PEOPLE How do you think you'll survive on Social Security?

Contact me at Hugh A. Holub




New solutions proposed to stop the oil spill

Now that BP has failed to plug the blown out oil well in the Gulf of Mexico, experts from the General Delivery University have some plans. More.....



Have fun this summer
Summer Vacation Advice

Are you tired of the usual vacation to somewhere like Disneyworld or Hawaii?

A really good vacation has to be an "adventure".

What is an "adventure"? It is when things go so wrong on a trip that the story you get to tell about what happened is much better than the actual experience. Like, after you get lost, your rented car breaks down, it starts raining, no one speaks English, you really need a ride to the airport 500 miles away, and you hitch a ride on a bottle truck...that's when the "adventure" starts.

SURFING IN THE OIL SLICK: Bring your surf boards to the Louisiana or the Mississippi coast and brave the oil soaked waves. Grease that curl. No smoking allowed.

LETTUCE ADVENTURE: America's farms are hurting for workers with the crackdown on illegal aliens. Come to Arizona and work in the fields picking lettuce. Stay in historic migrant labor camps. Get a lot of sun and make a few dollars per day.

HIKE ACROSS THE BORDER: Experienced guides will take you across the burning desert of Southern Arizona from Mexico to the United States for only $3,000. Learn how to hide from the Border Patrol, find water bottles left for migrants, and avoid border bandits who will steal everything you have. More...


Guide to summer camps

School is out, and now the dreaded decision--where to send little Johnny and Jane for the summer so you can preserve your marriage. We have researched summer camp opportunities throughout the continent, and herewith offer our guide to the pick of summer fun More.....


State seeks to avoid charge of racial profiling
Crackdown on illegal Canadians proposed in Arizona

In order to avoid the charge of racial profiling due to Arizona's law making it illegal for Mexicans to be in Arizona illegally, the state is now considering crackding down on illegal Canadians in the state. More....



ARIZONA SEEKS TO OFFSET BOYCOTTS OVER RACIST IMMIGRATION LAW

In response to widespread attempts to boycott Arizona in the wake of passage of Arizona's new anti-Mexican law (SB 1070), Republican officials are launching a counter effort. More...


ARIZONA MAKES IT ILLEGAL TO BE IN ARIZONA IF YOU ARE ILLEGAL

The Arizona state legislature passed a new law that made being in the state illegally a state crime..More...


TIPS FOR LIVING OR VISITING IN ARIZONA

In the wake of Arizona's new draconian immigration laws, you need to be prepared. More...


WALLET-SIZED OFFICIAL BIRTH CERTIFICATES PROPOSED IN ARIZONA

Proving you are a citizen and legally allowed to be in Arizona is a problem if you don't have a passport. An new business opporunity More...


CONCEALED WEAPONS ALLOWED IN ARIZONA WITHOUT A PERMIT

In another attempt to distract state residents from the looming bankruptcy of state government, the Arizona state legislature passed a new law allowing anyone to carry a concealed weapon without a permit or having to take a course in when you can shoot someone.More...


IS IT TIME FOR BAJA ARIZONA YET?

The Arizona state legislature dominated by right wing nuts from Marciopa County have gone flat insane. Is it time for America's 51st state yet? More....


ARE YOU A PAIN IN THE ASS?

Learn about supermarket Checkout Transaction Complexity MORE.



HOW TO SAVE NEWSPAPERS

RECENT BACK ISSUES

ANCIENT INDIANS PREDICTED GLOBAL WARMING

NEW DANGEROUS MENTAL DISORDER DISCOVERED

new credit card law sucks

TOP STORIES OF 2009 & 10 PREDICTIONS FOR 2010

2009 CHRISTMAS ISSUE

CALENDAR MAKERS PROTEST 2012

CHINESE JUNK TO DESTROY AMERICA

EVOLUTIONARY HEALTH CARE PLAN PROPOSED

GM CHANGES NAME TO GOVERNMENT MOTORS

NEW FORMS OF TORTURE APPROVED

2009 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION

CLINT EASTWOOD TO RUN AIG

BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS DISCOVERED IN IRAQ

OBAMA CREATES CRISIS FOR COMEDIANS

2008 CHRISTMAS EDITION

2008 PRE-ELECTION SPECIAL: McCAIN BLAMES SHORTER DAYS ON OBAMA

US ECONOMY CRATERS

2008 IN REVIEW

SPECIAL REPORT ON THE ECONOMIC MESS>

DESIGN YOUR OWN 2012 REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HERE

NEW POLITICAL AUCTION SITE LAUNCHED

THE CHICAGO RULES OF POLITICS

SENATOR OFFERS VOTES FOR SALE ON eBAY

 

THE NEWS FROM BAJA ARIZONA

FREE BAJA ARIZONA campaign

TUCSON

GREEN VALLEY

TUBAC

NOGALES

KOKOPELLI COUNTY

10 WATER LAWS OF THE WEST

read about bordertown

STAFF, BUSINESS INFO AND POLICIES

OUR STAFF

BUSINESS INFO

OUR POLICIES

REPRINT INFO

WHAT IS THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH?

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH?


MORE BACK ISSUES

OFFSHORE DRILLING PROPOSED OFF REPUBLICAN COASTS

CALENDAR MAKERS PROTEST END OF TIME

INTERSECTIONS PROVEN TO CAUSE TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS

2008 APRIL FOOL EDITION

US TO BUY CUBA

BENEFITS OF RECESSION TOUTED

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY PANDERING

2007 Christmas Issue

SENATOR OFFERS VOTES FOR SALE ON eBAY

SELLING ICE TO ESKIMOES

CHINESE TOY CONSPIRACY

SEND ILLEGAL ALIENS TO IRAQ

BAJA ARIZONA NEWS

2007 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION

GLOBAL WARMING BLAMED ON TERRORISTS

BOMBING IRAQ WITH DOLLARS PROPOSED

ALCATRAZ REOPENED AS A WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL PRISON

GOP BLAMES DEMOCRATS

FALL TV SHOWS FOUND FLAKEY

BUSH VOCABULARY LIMITS IRAQ POLICY

QUIT SMOKING AND ENJOY IT

2006 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION

HUMANS EVOLVED FROM RODENTS

US-MEXICO BORDER SAME AS ISRAEL-PALESTINE BORDER

BANDERSNATCH RESPONDS TO ELECTRONIC SPIES

SANTA BLAMED FOR SOCIETY'S PSYCHOSIS

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ENDORSES ALITO FOR SUPREME COURT

EXTREME MAKEOVER TO REBUILD NEW ORLEANS

DEER SEEN AS TERRORIST THREAT

PLANETARY ROTATION BLAMED FOR EARTHQUAKES

LAWYER BUYOUT PROGRAM PROPOSED

SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY BY DYING YOUNGER

SADDAM COMMITS SUICIDE - 2005 APRIL FOOLS

BIRDS IMITATE CELL PHONES

BANDERSNATCH CLASSICS

BAD COW PUBLIC RELATIONS

A MODERN NOAH'S ARK

SAVE THE BUGS

NEW RULES OF WAR PROPOSED

NEW WONDER DRUG PLACEBO DISCOVERED

TRAILER PARK SEEKS HISTORIC STATUS

INDIAN RUINS PROPOSED AS LOW INCOME HOUSING

WOLVES IN CENTRAL PARK

FREEWAY MEDIANS NEW LANDFILL SITES

FEMININE SIDE OF WATER by NANCY VALENTINE

IRS REFORMS SORT OF

CONGRESS INDICTED FOR SECURITIES FRAUD

THE INTERNET WITCH

ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS

SAVE THE BUGS

DESERT VIOLATES ENVIRONMENTAL STANDARDS

DUST BUNNIES DECLARED ENDANGERED SPECIES

HISTORY THROUGH BANDERSNATCH EYES (1997-2004)

ALIENS INVADE ARIZONA

ROCK N ROLL NURSING HOME

PLAN TO BEAUTIFY HOMELESS

BAD TUNNEL DESIGN BLAMED FOR DI'S DEMISE

CIG SETTLEMENT SUCKS

FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL FOUND

ALIENS INVADE MARS

MAYTAG REPAIRMAN OFFERS TO SAVE MIR

BILL CLINTON'S DEFINITON OF SEXUAL RELATIONS

TAMPA TO HOST 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS

NY HOMELESS REFUSE TO EAT PIGEONS

BAPTISTS STRANDED ON TREASURE ISLAND

BANDERSNATCH GUIDES

GLOBAL WARMING

SANTA CRUZ SAND TROUT

EVAPORATIVE COOLERS

SAN DIEGO


BANDERSNATCH HOLIDAYS

CHRISTMAS

GROUNDHOG DAY

VALENTINE'S DAY

BACK TO SCHOOL

April Fool's Edition


BANDERSNATCH CONSPIRACIES

BAGEL CONSPIRACY

CHRISTMAS TREE CONSPIRACY


 

GET YOUR FREE COLLEGE DIPLOMA

IF YOU CAN FIND THE RIGHT PAGE

***************************************************

HOW TO WRITE SATIRE

"SATIRE: 1 a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn; 2 trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly" Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary.

Satire is one of the most difficult types of humor to write because your satirical point of view can get you into serious trouble. Americans as a general rule don’t have a sense of humor. In other countries you can get thrown in jail or worse.

When the Frumious Bandersnatch started in the 1960’s we had FBI agents going to our advertisers threatening them if they supported us. In the last 10 years the Bandersnatch managed to get on federally mandated library filtering systems, even though the name of the site is derived from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland Jabberwocky poem.

Effective satire points out how stupid, silly, or ridiculous something or someone is. The target of satire generally doesn’t like being discredited and (if your article is really good) subjected to scorn.

There are some tricks to writing good and effective satire.

First, is understand the importance of context. For example, satire won't work on the front page of the New York Times, even though some of the stories could pass for good satire.

If a satirical article catches the reader by surprise, they might not get the humor.

Thus, in plying your satirical wit, make sure you target it in a context where the reader is looking for humor, like here.

This is why Saturday Night Live, John Stewart and Colbert work because you know its coming. A satirical story would flop in the network news. Rarely do you ever see a satirical commentary in a regular newspaper’s editorial pages.

The Bandersnatch is clearly a satirical newspaper. One should not expect a serious news story there. Even at that, the paper makes a point that it "is the least trustworthy source of news on the web".

Notwithstanding every attempt to make it clear the content of the Bandersnatch is fake, sometimes people miss the point. We ran a story about the Nogales (a US-Mexico border city) Chamber of Commerce promoting tourism by offering drug tunnel tours. The real chamber actually got a call from someone from the Discovery Channel wanting to take one of the tours and shoot a story.

Second, vicious does not work. "Trenchant" is a key word to remember. Sharp, vigorously effective.  Words like "delightfully vicious" is more the goal.

Third, obscenity detracts from good satire. The best satire is very literate.

Fourth, the more subtle and authoritative your satire is, the more effective it is. British humor is very understated, and absolutely funny as a result. American’s tend to be over the top. Appearing to be serious while in fact the content is not, works very well. The best satire mimics authoritative presentation so that at a glance it might appear to be real. We try and use the AP stylebook whenever we can remember it. And that is also why we always have an expert from the General Delivery University pontificating.

The best satire works in tandem with the level of the reader’s understanding of the subject or topic of the satire. If people care enough about a subject, they will be current on it and knowledgeable about it. We assume you are intelligent.

Fifth, the trick is to make sure the made-up farcical element is clear. For example, the authoritative quotations in the Frumious Bandersnatch almost always from some faculty member of the General Delivery University, which is billed as "America’s only genuine diploma mill".

Sixth, one path to good satire is taking an existing trend or direction of a story, and keep going as far over the edge as you dare. The ultimate truth (and justification for seeing something as outrageous) is to follow the logical trend way out there and see where it takes you. That's why our story about Arizona's immigration law goes after illegal Canadians.

Seventh, another path to effective satire is turn the story upside down. For example, thr book "Get In Touch With Your Inner Rodent" is a parody of self-help books and is based on advice that is just the opposite of anything that could really be useful.

One of the Bandersnatch’s best stories was when the first Martian lander started reporting from Mars. We started running stories from the Martian resistance point of view as the Martians tried to repel the Earth invaders.

Eighth, pick your subject carefully. The more visible and serious the target is, the easier it is to satirize them. This is what editorial cartoonist do: take highly visible people or topics, then stretch or shrink their most identifying elements. People or subjects that aren’t highly visible make poor satirical targets because no one will get it because they don’t know who you are talking about.

Ninth, is in order to avoid getting sued for libel in the United States your target really must be a public person, because they have a harder path to suing. A public person can only sue for reckless disregard for the truth and actual malice.Satire is the essence of disregard for the truth, because satire makes facts up. The key is to make it clear you are not claiming what you say is in fact true. This is again why context is so crucial.

Finally, do not expect to get rich writing satire. There is virtually no market for paid satirical writing. The joy in writing satire comes from not only the reaction of readers who enjoy it, the real high comes when the target of satire reacts to your piece.

Those who need to be satirized take themselves way too seriously. Puncturing their pomposity and certainty that they are the fount of all good and right and knowledge brings them down to earth. And with surprising frequency, those who need to be brought back among us mortals will provide the second act to your satirical barb and give it vastly more attention than it would otherwise have gotten. Just hope they aren’t the director of the FBI.


“The Squirrelly Advisor” is a parody of “How To” advice columns.

The premise of “The Squirrelly Advisor” is to address topics of concern from a decidedly off-beat perspective.

When confronted with choices in our lives, we hear the voices of our angels and demons advising us, and sometimes we also hear the voice of the squirrel.

Rarely do we actually act upon the advice of our inner squirrel, but sometimes being able to laugh about our problems opens new doors of awareness.

If you have a question you want some Squirrelly Advice on, send your question to The Squirrel

For more Squirrelly Advice CLICK HERE


NEW -- HOW TO FAIL AT BUSINESS

HOW TO WRITE SATIRE

HOW TO AVOID BEING LAID OFF

HOW TO VICTIMIZE YOURSELF

TURN YOUR PERSONALITY DISORDER INTO AN ASSET

SPECIAL OFFER

HOME PSYCHOTHERAPY

CLICK HERE

MORE SQUIRRELY ADVICE:

INTRODUCTION

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

TRUST THE POWER OF NOT NOW

HOW TO CREATE A STATE OF CLINICAL DEPRESSION

WOMEN ARE FROM NORDSTROM'S MEN ARE FROM HOME DEPOT

LITTLE LEAGUE LESSONS OF LIFE

HOW TO SLEEP WITH YOUR LOVER

HOW TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP FAIL

SCREWING UP YOUR ROMANCE

HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO LIVE ALONE

HOW TO BLEND YOUR PETS

HOW TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE

TAKE OUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST

TAKE OUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST

 

BUSINESS AND FINANCE

 

1000 WAYS TO WASTE YOUR MONEY

HOW TO LIVE ON 1/10TH YOUR INCOME

HOW TO MAKE ARBITRARY AND CAPRICIOUS DECISIONS

HOW TO AVOID WORK

HOW TO BUY A CAR AND MAKE THE DEALER REALLY HAPPY

HOW TO ANNOY YOUR BOSS

HOW TO WASTE TIME EFFECTIVELY

10 WATER LAWS OF THE WEST

THE EXPONENTIAL IMPROBABILITY OF SUCCESS AND OTHER NEGOTIATION THEORIES

POLITICS

Chicago Rules of Politics

LIFESTYLE

CODE OF THE CITY

HOW TO AVOID BEING SHOT BY THE POLICE

HOW TO FIND YOUR LOST CAR

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR HOME

ADVERTISEMENT NEW  MENTAL HEALTH SAFETY PLAN OFFERED

ARE WE BEING PUSHED TOO FAR?

GUIDE TO SUMMER CAMPS

How To Live Forever

SUMMER VACATION ADVICE

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR HUMAN

HOW TO SOLVE A PROBLEM  


DONATIONS WANTED TO HELP KEEP THE BANDERSNATCH
ALIVE ON THE WEB

Last year we made $32 in advertising, and need some help paying the bills to keep the Bandersnatch going.

If you like this site, could you consider giving us a donation of $1?

Any amount would be wonderful!!!

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Thanks!!!!



Copyright 2010 by Hugh A. Holub

THE FRUMIOUS BANDERSNATCH is a US federally registered trademark so be very careful

EMAIL US AT EDITOR with your comments & criticisms.We rarely publish letters and emails unless they are positive.

Reprints of our stuff are allowed provided that you don't make any money (we get 50% of what you do make), you give us credit ("From The Frumious Bandersnatch"), and you provide a link back to us.