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2008 IN REVIEW (LIKE YOU REALLY WANT TO RELIVE THAT YEAR?)
The Frumuous Bandersnatch Satirical Newspaper founded in 1965...On-line in 1997...One of America's oldest satirical newspapers.
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2009 ECONOMIC FORECAST As 2009 begins, pessimism abounds in economic forecasting circles. The Ponzi School of Economics at the General Delivery University has issued its criminally optimistic forecast for the US economy in 2009. "It is not to say the economy is going to Hell in a handbasket," said Robert Vescow, head of the Ponzi Econ Dept, "because it is." "Between the huge drain of the war in Iraq, the mortgage and credit meltdown, and millions of people getting pink slips now that the Christmas holidays are over," Vescow explained, "things are really going to get grim." "But any idiot can see that coming," he added. "The real deal here is whenever there are losers, there are also winners," he added. "Plus those that are smart enough to escape federal indictment," Vescow said. Vescow concentrated on trying to make lemonade out of the lemon we're all sucking on. HOUSING: For those who have any money, there are going to be really good deals in buying foreclosed houses in 2009. The best time to buy will be after September, 2009 when the new home building industry has completely collapsed, and the price falls another 30 to 40 percent in home values from December 2007 levels. "Banks manage to write stuff off, which I've never understood how they can do that," Vescow explained, "but presto chango after the non-performing assets are written off, they can be sold and the books wash out and all the stupid people who made the stupid decisions have been fired. It's the American way." TRADITIONAL MEDIA: Newspapers, which have been going in the toilet for years, will finally hit bottom. "The thing that will ultimately save a portion of the newspaper industry are people who have caged birds in their homes," Vescow said. "There's absolutely nothing that can replace a newspaper for lining the bottom of a bird cage, so bird keepers will have to maintain a supply of papers." Vescow also noted that as long as newspapers are printed with soy-based ink, demand will actually increase from organic farmers needing a good source of mulch. "Print media are probably wise to keep laying off reporters because no one really reads newspapers that much any more." LITIGATION: The legal industry will thrive on the economic carnage, pretty much the same way vultures and hyenas thrive off death on the African plains. "People will be even more inclined to sue other people, and especially their former employers and big corporations, the worse things get," Vescow said. Vescow has proposed that big national law firms ought to start selling stock in their firms to raise capital to maintain their litigiousness. "Beats the heck out of renting clients. And think about the potential return...a third of a third to the investor shareholders." CHEAP HD TELEVISIONS: Sometime in February folks are going to realize their existing television sets are obsolete, and will be forced to buy new High Definition tv sets. "The problem is, no one can figure out plasma versus whatever, and all the HD sets are way too expensive. The company that can put a $99 HD tv into Wal Mart is going to be the hottest investment of the year." TINY LITTLE CARS: Those living near the US-Mexico border are accustomed to seeing tiny little cars on US roads that were made in Mexico. They beat the heck out of US cars in gas mileage, but cannot be imported because they don't have US safety gear and US pollution control systems. They are death traps in an accident with an SUV. "It will dawn on someone that a car, even without pollution control devices, that gets 40 miles per gallons produces a lot less crud than a car getting 20 miles per gallon, and people are going to want the little buggers," Vescow explained. "US automakers will have to figure out how to produce large numbers of cheap tiny cars inside the US to survive. But they're already doing this in Mexico. Maybe we ought to legalize Mexican workers and Mexican made cars at the same time." The collision issue will resolve itself because with $4 to $5 gasoline coming, no one will be able to afford to drive their hulking gas guzzling SUVs any more. THE NEWS FROM BAJA ARIZONA A SERIOUS GUIDE TO THE BORDER PATROL
ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS DESERT VIOLATES ENVIRONMENTAL STANDARDS DUST BUNNIES DECLARED ENDANGERED SPECIES REAL ADVERTISEMENTS - HELP KEEP US ALIVE ON THE WEB SITE LISTINGS
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2008 IN REVIEW BENEFITS OF RECESSION TOUTED ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION DECLINES Tucson:US Border Patrol officials today announced that efforts to slow the tide of illegal immigration from Mexico are in fact proving successful. "We are seeing a decline in the number of illegals we're catching on a daily basis," said Frank Libre, chief of the Tucson Sector of the Border Patrol. "That is not because the illegals are evading us more successfully, it is because there are just a lot fewer of them." The same reduction in the flow of illegals has been noted across the 2,000 mile US-Mexico border. The White House immediately claimed credit for the reduction of illegal immigration. "Obviously our strategy is working," said Ronald Frontman, spokesman for President Bush. Exactly what the Bush strategy was, wasn't apparent until Frontman linked the decline in illegal immigration to the looming recession. "The reduction of the number of construction jobs in the US due to the subprime mortgage meltdown has dried up the opportunities for migrants to work," Frontman explained. "As the economy continues to shrink, other job sectors are also drying up the supply of work for illegals such as in the hospitality industry." Meaning fewer maid jobs. "If a full-blown recession occurs, as many predict, millions of illegals now in the US will probably have to leave," said Robert Vescow, head of the General Delivery University Department of Voodoo Economic. "Maybe that is an unintended consequence of the fiscal mess in the country, but one can find a silver lining in the worst storm, especially if they are holding public office." There are indications that more illegal entrants are now leaving the US than are entering, according to the Kokopelli County Sheriff's Department. "We are seeing many trucks piled with furniture going south on Interstate 19 to Nogales," said Jose Canyousee, Chief Deputy Sheriff, "and those who we've stopped have told us they are going back to Mexico permanently instead of hauling stuff bought in yard sales in Tucson for sale in Sonoran swap meets." US officials have no clue how many Mexican workers are going home due to the lack of jobs in the US. "We don't have a clue who is coming into the United States let alone who is exiting the country," said the Border Patrol's Libre. MILLIONS TRAPPED IN HOMES ALL ACROSS AMERICA As summer vacation season looms, news that gasoline prices are pushing $4 a gallon has resulted in millions of families canceling their vacations. "My SUV costs $80 to fill a tank of gas, which will get me a 300 mile round trip," said Wendy Fairtree, "so I can go as far as Phoenix from Tucson and back." Fairtree noted she'd rather stay home than go to Phoenix. "I can't afford to drive all the way to San Diego," she added. All across the nation, people are realizing that summer vacation means staying at home. "There is going to be a serious increase in psychological problems because people are trapped in their homes," said Sigmund Fraud, head of the General Delivery University College of Phreneology. "They won't be able to escape to the beach or the mountains, and going to have to tough it out in the confines of their homes or apartments," Fraud added. NEW SUMMER FASHION CRAZE
Women across the country rushed to buy bolts of cloth and sew their
own pioneer style dresses after seeing the women of the Texas polygamy group parading in front of court houses.
"It's a statement of returning to a simpler time," said Fred Fashionista, with Women's Wear Daily.
"Very very retrograde," added Pierre Savant from the Parisian fashion house JeSuis.
"I gotta wonder what's going on in the minds of the guys in that cult," said Joe Beerman at a local bar, "them's
the most un-sexy women I've ever seen."
"Precisely why the style is suddenly so popular," replied Fashionista, "it's a real statement against being
seen as a sex object."
WORST DEPRESSION FORECAST
US ECONOMY GIANT PONZI SCHEME Economists at the General Delivery University Ponzi School of Economics
forecast America's worst depression since the 1930's. "The US economy is simply a giant ponzi scheme," said Robert Vescow,
dean of the Ponzi School. "People have finally figured this out." An element of the US ponzi economy is robbing Peter to pay Paul. explained
the GDU economist. "Take social security. We're using today's tax dollars
to pay for benefits for people whose payments into the system were used to give
benefits to people in the past. The problem is the people in the future won't
generate enough cash flow to keep the benefits flowing. The social security
system is just a ponzi scheme," said Vescow. The national debt is another element of the giant ponzi scheme, said Vescow.
"We're mortgaging our future and our creditors around the world are now
having seriuous doubts we'll be able to pay back what we've borrowed." Rising oil prices are putting a major crimp in the economy. "The cost of
gasoline is now seriously limiting what people can do and spend their money
on," said Vescow. "That in turn reduces consumer spending, which
shrinks the economic pie." The home mortgage fiasco is also sapping the US economy. "The biggest
problem is not the foreclosures, it is the shrinking value of homes," said
Vescow. "The net worth of the people of the country is shrinking to where
they owe more than their assets are worth, especially their homes." The crash in new home construction has triggered a ripple effect in job
losses. "First all the real estate agents and construction workers lost
their jobs. With that reduction in money circulating in the economy, stores
started laying off people, and then manufacturers because no one was buying
anything, so what's the point of making anything?" Vescow asked. The ultimate crash will come when people wake up one morning and realize
there is not really any money in the economy. "Money is actually mostly a belief system. If everyone suddenly decides
money isn't worth anything, then everything just stops," Vescow said.
"The really scary thing is most of what we think of as money is not
currency and coins, it is electronic data. If suddenly the electronic data
vanished, we'd have to return to a cash economy, and who has any cash
really?" "Belief is reality," said Vescow. "If you don't believe in the
monetary system, then poof, it is gone." "Confidence is everything in maintaining the fiction of an economy, and
if people don't have any confidence, what do you have?" The credit crunch or liquidity crisis as it is being called is the ominous
sign the collapse of the US economy is imminent, according to Vescow. "The whole country runs on credit. Whether it is the government
borrowing money to build aircraft carriers, or the homeowner using her Visa card
to buy clothes, we have long departed from a cash and carry economy,"
Vescow said. "Eliminate the ability to borrow, then we have a serious
reality adjustment to make which is we can only afford to buy what we have the
actual cash to pay out for whatever." "And no one has any cash since their income is pledged to pay off their
mortgages, car loans, and credit cards." "Add to that a loss of income because of the constriction in the
employment sector, and the collapse cannot be stopped." Vescow urged Americans to accumulate as much cash currency as they can for
the coming crash. "The day is looming when all the plastic is going to be worthless, and
the only way you will be able to buy anything is with cold hard cash,"
Vescow said. "What that cash will be worth remains to be seen," he added.
"Outside the United States our currency is going to look like Confederate
money. But inside the country a dollar bill still might be able to get you
something if anyone will exchange the bill for something else like
groceries." Vescow points the blame for the impending implosion of the US economy
directly at George W. Bush and his cronies running the government. "Bush
has done what Herbert Hoover did, and for pretty much the same reason.What is generically called Republican
philosophy about letting free markets operate without any government regulation."
Bush will go down as America's worst president in the wake of the collapse.
"Concentrations of homeless people will probably become known as Bushvilles,"
Vescow said. "The symbol of Bush's presidency will probably be a formaldehyde soaked
FEMA trailer," Vescow added. "Too bad we can't make Bush have to live
in one of his trailers for the rest of his life." US OFFERS TO BUY CUBA In a radical change in policy, the US government has secretly offered to buy
Cuba and make it America's 51st state. "Our past policy since Fidel Castro took power has obviously failed, so
we decided to think outside the box," said a spokesperson for the State
Department. The purchase offer reportedly has two parts. The first part is a cash offer
in an undisclosed amount to key people in Raul Castro's administration in
exchange for their leaving the country and living in exile in Spain or
elsewhere. The second part of the purchase offer is a $1,000 lump sum payment to each
and every resident of Cuba. Initial response to the news that the US was trying to buy Cuba was mixed.
Sources within the Cuban communist government indicated that many of the older
junta were seriously thinking about accepting the offer, while younger
communists were worried that the buyout wasn't sufficient for them to live their
entire lives in splendor. Sort of like the division in the auto worker industry
over corporate buy outs. A stronger sense of support was detected within the Cuban population for the
buy out, though there was no agreement who would represent the Cuban people in
negotiating the terms. "We'd really like more like $5,000 each," said
one Cuban citizen. Exiled Cubans were united in their opposition to the buy out, mostly because
they were left out. US officials said the exiled Cubans would get paid if they went back to Cuba.
This immediately created a dilemma as while most exiled Cubans keep demanding
the right to return to Cuba, most actually don't want to give up their homes and
businesses in Florida. The genesis for the Cuban buy out proposal is a small group of foreign and
military policy experts in Washington who are convinced that cash, not bombs,
will get the US more positive accomplishments around the world. This group was
also the source of the proposal to air drop $100 million a day in $5 to
$20 bills over insurgent neighborhoods in Iraq. "No one would bother to be
fighting if they were all scrambling around picking up the cash," said an
anonymous source. "And it would be much cheaper than maintaining the
military effort there." Several other countries, two Canadian provinces and the Mexican states of
Baja California, Sonora and Chihuahua have offered themselves for sale to the
United States in exchange for US statehood and cash to state or national
residents. "While buying states and countries on our borders actually makes a lot
of sense," said the anonymous spokesperson, "I really don't know how
we'd integrate Kosovo in the USA." BUSH MADE HONORARY MEMBER OF JIHAD Islamic fundamentalists bent on destroying America secretly named George W.
Bush an honorary member of the Jihad it was learned recently. "No other single individual has done so much to undermine the strength
of America and destroy its war-making abilities than Mr. Bush," a statement
from the Jihad said. "Bush and his corrupt cronies have destroyed the value of the America
dollar, forced hundreds of thousand of Americans out of their homes, destroyed
the ability of business in the country to grow and expand due to the lack of
credit, increased environmental damage due to unregulated pollution, gutted the
US tax revenue base, and actually decreased the life span of the average
American due to the prohibitive cost of health care," the Jihad said. "In our wildest imagination, we could never have done as much to topple
the United States as a world super power as Bush has done," the Jihad
explained. Observers in the United States were caught by surprise that the Jihad could
embrace Bush, their supposed worst enemy. "That Bush has ignored trying to hunt down Osama bin Laden might be a
clue there's something deeper going on here," said Gary Spleen, head of the
General Delivery University Clauswitz School of Diplomacy. "But it is
unquestionable that Bush has deeply damaged America." "It is a fundamental concept of Bush's type of conservatism that
government is evil and should be dismantled," Spleen added, "and Bush
has done exactly that with the American federal government." "At every chance, Bush appointed hostile people to head federal agencies
and departments, cut taxes to reduce funding availability for government to
function, and pissed away a trillion dollars in Iraq further constricting the
federal government's ability to operate," Spleen added. "Now that the recession Bush denies exists is drying up even more
revenue for not only the federal, but state and local governments, we are seeing
probably the greatest reduction in government in several generations,"
Spleen said. The Jihad has offered to give Bush a certificate honoring his efforts to
destroy the American government, if Bush were willing to come to a remote area
of Afghanistan to accept it. OFFSHORE DRILLING PROPOSED IN REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICTS Democrats today proposed to open up portions of the US coastal waters to oil
exploration, but only in areas represented by Republicans. "We agree that there should be more domestic production of oil,"
said Penny Waith (D-California) who represents the Santa Monica area. "But
we also believe that those who advocate drilling should live with the
consequences." The Dem proposal would open up the entire Florida coast to drilling, as well
as the area off Santa Barabara. The drilling would be allowed starting February 1, 2009. Opposition to the Dem proposal immediately emerged from Republicans whose
districts include coastal areas that would be opened to drilling. "I won't be able to get re-elected," said Pete Bog, (R-Santa
Barbara). "That's exactly the point," said Waith. It is also rumored that Dems are considered allowing new nuclear power plants
in states where both their US Senators are Republican. WATER FOUND ON MARS Within days of the announcement that water has been discovered on Mars, the
US Bureau of Reclamation in tandem with the California Department of Water
Resources, revealed plans to import water from Mars to that parched western
state. "A while new planet without any endangered species or existing water
rights holders is an unprecedented opportunity to solve the growing water
shortage in our state," said Chester Hail, director of Cal DWR. "We can mine the polar ice cap of Mars, load the ice up, and ship it
back to Earth," said Ben Hoover, Director of the Lower Colorado River
Office of BuRec. POLITICIANS SPEECHLESS Archrdruid Taliesin has proposed that August 31st be a day when everyone in
America only says positive things. "I call it a National Day of Positive Talk," said the Archdruid. The purpose of the National Day of Positive Talk is to combine as much
positive energy as possible to ward off all the negativity and evil that
surrounds the country. "People are really down," said the Archdruid, "and there is
this massive negative energy field across the whole country that is just sucking
everyone's life force away." The Archdruid's call for focused positivity is just one of many efforts to
change the energy fields of Americans to improve people's health, and change the
dynamics of the culture from one of wasteful consumption to living in harmony
with nature. Reaction to the call for a National Day of Positive Talk was immediately met
with opposition and hostility. Republican and Democratic political candidates were especially miffed at
being asked to go 24 hours without saying anything negative. "How can we campaign if we can't say nasty things about our
opponents?" asked GOP candidate Jim Beam, running for the 8th District
Congressional Seat in Baja Arizona. Broadcast and cable television network news officials also objected to a day
without negativity. "We'll just have to go dark because all the news is
really negative," said a spokesman for Fox News Network. Newspaper editors were similarly opposed to going 24 hours without
negativity. "No one will buy our papers if we don't have stories about rape
and murder and war and natural disasters," said the editor of the Arizona
Daily Moon. "Gosh, I guess I'll have to think more about my next proposal which is a
day without negative thoughts," said the Archdruid. Discussions continued well after midnight as politicians and the media
negotiated to reduce the length of the positive talk effort to one hour. ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE AND HOLISTIC HEALING SEEN AS SOLUTION FOR NATION'S
HEALTH INSURANCE CRISIS In a move the caught many by surprise, Republican Presidential
candidate John McCan't suggested that the nation's crisis over health insurance
could be solved by using alternative medicine and holistic healing techniques. "Rather than try and get everyone insured by health insurance companies,
which would cost a mint, what we need is to cultivate a lot more healthy people
who just won't need conventional health care," McCan't suggested. Joe Sam, who recently lost his full time job and his health insurance, noted
McCan't might have a good idea. "I am over 60 and then only health insurance I could afford had a $5,000
deductible," Sam said. "No way could I afford $5,000 worth of medical
bills in a year, so I've just got to be really healthy." Sam had begun exploring alternative healing concepts, such as those espoused
by Carline Myss (www.myss.com), and recognized that a healthy mind could
lead to a healthy body. "But the concept isn't all that easy to put into practice given all the
distractions out there," Sam added. WORKING AT HOME PROVEN TO INCREASE HEALTH RISKS New studies recently completed by scientists affiliated with the General
Delivery University have inconclusively linked working at home with increased
health problems. "There's a lot of negative energy associated with working,"
said Al Chemica, head of the GDU College of Sorcery. "And bringing
that negative energy into one's home is sort of like polluting it with toxic
chemicals." Al Chemica has discovered that people working from home have higher
incidences of heart disease, stroke, cancer, and many other stress related
maladies. "People just don't realize that they are nothing more than an energy
field themselves, and the amount of negative energy they surround themselves
with adversely impacts on their health," Al Chemica added. The GDU scientists suggested that if one has to work at their residence, they
set up a special room to dampen the negative energy associated with working. "One could line the room's walls, floor and ceiling with copper sheets
to keep the negative energy from spreading through the home," he said. "A better approach would be to diffuse the negative energy by lighting
many candles, placing spirit objects on computers and monitors, and grounding ones' self,"
he added. An even more effective solution is to not work at home at all. "Working at home might sound like a good idea at the beginning, but the
demands of family, pets, and neighbors intrude on concentration, and it is very
easy to end up having to do you work at 3 in the morning," Al Chemica
explained. "It is much healthier to work outside your home, and have a way to leave
the negative energy field of the work space and go to one's living space where
one can recover," he said. "A problem there is many people bring the tension and stress of work
home in their minds, and inject the contamination into their homes
regardless," he added. The best solution, the scientist added, was to file for disability and quit
working entirely. McCAIN BLAMES SHORTER DAYS
ON OBAMA Republican presidential candidate John McCain today blamed the
increasingly shorter days in America on Barak Obama. "You can see with your own eyes that the days have been
getting shorter and shorter since the Democrats nominated Barak Obama as their
candidate," McCain said. "If this trend is allowed to continue, we will all be
living in an endless dark," McCain added. McCain went on to list the consequences of shorter days for America. "Rain will turn to snow, road will become slippery and more dangerous,
you will be risking your life just to go outside,"McCain said. "The only way to save America and bring back daylight is to
vote for me," McCain said. "I promise you that if I'm elected, daylight will start
increasing by Christmas," McCain added. McCain also explained why Obama was unqualified to restore daylight. "Obama has no experience with managing days and nights because he
grew up in Hawaii." The McCain campaign simultaneously launched a new series of television
ads showing the screen getting darker and then going black with the voice over saying "Do you want to
trust your future to that other guy?" The Obama campaign initially was shocked to hear the new McCain
allegation. "Is there nothing they won't stoop low enough to do?"
asked Obama campaign coordinator Leslie Leapfrog. Shortly afterwards, Sarah Palin weighed in with a claim that
Obama was a communist as a child. "He admitted sharing his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
with his school friends," said Palin. "To each according to their need
and from each according to their ability is right out of Marx." Whether or not Palin was quoting from Karl or Groucho Marx
became the topic of talk show hosts later in the day BANDERSNATCH ECONOMIC RECOVERY PLAN
The first premise of our proposed economic recovery plan is that
we must understand money. Money, many think, is cash. It is not. "Money" is an
electronic system where computers add and subtract balances from accounts. There
is no real :cash" associated with this. What is associated with "money" are beliefs. These beliefs include: -- that the same amount of "money" tomorrow will have
the same purchasing power as today. --that we will all have access to "money" via our
paychecks tomorrow like we did last week. --that as a consequence of having access to
"money"...whether by selling our stocks or receiving a paycheck, we
will be able to pay all our bills. --that if we put our "money" in a bank, it will be
there tomorrow if we need it. The core problem in today's financial crisis is that our beliefs
about "money" have been shattered. We have lost faith in our
"money". We woke up one morning and realized "money" wasn't
real at all. It was just gone. Since "money" is essentially a belief system, to solve
our problem we need to recreate that belief system. Our proposal starts with a concept of starting all over as
though nothing happened in the past. This is very important because the more time and energy we spend
blaming someone for what's happened, that time and energy is wasted in going
forward into the future. Sure, there were bad people. And bad policy. If we had
a time machine we could back in fix the stupid or criminal decisions. {Problem
is we don't have a time machine. The next step is the clean slate new start. This clean slate includes the following: --all debt would be wiped out. Whatever any of us...personal or
corporate...would be wiped clean. None of us owes anyone anything. Our mortgages
are paid off. Our business debts are paid off. --and everyone owed money would be paid off. 100% face value,
(no prepayment penalties allowed). How do we do this outrageous thing, you ask. Simple, we all agree to believe that the government, which
invents money, can invent enough money to pay all debt off with "new"
money. The second step of the clean slate is every adult (over age
18) in the country is given $100,000 of the "new" money. To do
whatever he or she wants to do with that "new" money. The third step is to establish a very tight system of financial
regulation based on truth. Anyone who lies or schemes to suck money away from
someone else to accumulate more while someone has less, is subject to the death
penalty. Lets increase the risk premium for manipulating money at other people's
expense. Whether the culprit be a con man or a wall street banker, they commit
fraud to steal your money, they die. The fourth step is to weed out of our system greed. A reasonable
rate of return is fine, but excess profits just so some shareholders get fat
dividends while other people lose their jobs...no way. The fifth step is to completely revise the tax system so its
fair. Fair means no deductions or loopholes. Everyone pays 5% on their income,
however they earn it. We can no longer afford the corrosive belief that some
people get way without paying taxes because they can afford lobbyists. Our tax
system should simply collect money to pay for government functions, not to
induce behavior or investment in someone's pet schemes. The sixth step is to regulate the credit market. Put usury laws
back on the books. Oversee the risk assessment system to make sure lenders tie
their loans and rates to appropriate risk levels. The seventh step is to regulate the debt and bond and stock
rating systems. He who rates insures the outcome if people rely on the rating. The eigth step is a serious effort at energy independence and
development of renewable energy. If Brazil can eliminate the importation of
foreign oil, we can to. And we don't have to wreck our environment to do this. But this all comes down to believing it can work. Of course people will note that vastly increasing the money
supply will set off inflation. That is a belief itself. Why would everyone
suddenly want to buy everything and push prices up? Elimination all debt lifts an enormous burden off the
economy. Everyone is free and clear. Income is now available to invest, to
build, or to save. Will this work? In the short run, sure. In the long run, we're
probably going to go back to our old, foolish, greedy ways believing that some
people are more entitled to money than others, that a sucker is born every
minute, that government is evil and should not mess with the free market, that
there's no such thing as excess profits, that shareholders are more important
than working people...and if that's the case our economy and system deserves to
die. But think about what is going to be like when you lose your job,
and can't buy food or pay for your electricity. Because all the
"money" evaporated and no one could pay their bills or their wages. Would you like to eat the squirrels living in the trees near
your house? Let us all get together and believe in some new form of money,
and start over. SAVE THOUSAND ON YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATION -- GET YOUR FREE COLLEGE DIPLOMA HERE Have you ever wondered what people would write about you
when you die? Do you feel you are sort of facing the question of what
happens when a tree falls in a forest and if no one is around, does the
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to die first, and then not be able to read your obituary? Are you sufficiently famous enough that some cub reporter
has called you for an interview because the newspaper is writing your obituary
in advance of your death so that if you suddenly die the paper will be
able to print your obit the next day? Have you prepared your obit so your survivors will have
something to send to the newspaper after you die? WHY WAIT? Have your obituary printed now, while you are sill alive
and can enjoy it! And have control over what is being said about your life!! For $20.00 we will publish your obituary on The Frumious
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and on the web). Email your obituary (in .doc or html) to holaw@mindspring.com.
When we receive your check (and it clears) at OBITUARIES FOR THE LIVING,
P.O. box 4773, Tubac, Arizona 85646 we will post your obit. DON'T LET YOUR LIFE PASS WITHOUT RECOGNITION |
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DESIGN YOUR OWN 2012 REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HERE
NEW POLITICAL AUCTION SITE LAUNCHED
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2008 PRE-ELECTION SPECIAL: McCAIN BLAMES SHORTER DAYS ON OBAMA
OFFSHORE DRILLING PROPOSED OFF REPUBLICAN COASTS
CALENDAR MAKERS PROTEST END OF TIME
INTERSECTIONS PROVEN TO CAUSE TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS
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GLOBAL WARMING BLAMED ON TERRORISTS
BOMBING IRAQ WITH DOLLARS PROPOSED
ALCATRAZ REOPENED AS A WHITE COLLAR CRIMINAL PRISON
BUSH VOCABULARY LIMITS IRAQ POLICY
US-MEXICO BORDER SAME AS ISRAEL-PALESTINE BORDER
BANDERSNATCH RESPONDS TO ELECTRONIC SPIES
SANTA BLAMED FOR SOCIETY'S PSYCHOSIS
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN ENDORSES ALITO FOR SUPREME COURT
EXTREME MAKEOVER TO REBUILD NEW ORLEANS
PLANETARY ROTATION BLAMED FOR EARTHQUAKES
LAWYER BUYOUT PROGRAM PROPOSED
SAVE SOCIAL SECURITY BY DYING YOUNGER
SADDAM COMMITS SUICIDE - 2005 APRIL FOOLS
SELF HELP ADVICE
WRECK YOUR LIFE GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER RODENT
TAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP INCOMPATIBILITY TEST
TAKE OUR SEXUAL INCOMPATIBILITY TEST
BANDERSNATCH CLASSICS
NEW WONDER DRUG PLACEBO DISCOVERED
TRAILER PARK SEEKS HISTORIC STATUS
INDIAN RUINS PROPOSED AS LOW INCOME HOUSING
FREEWAY MEDIANS NEW LANDFILL SITES
CONGRESS INDICTED FOR SECURITIES FRAUD
THE PAST DECADE THROUGH BANDERSNATCH EYES (1997-2004)
BAD TUNNEL DESIGN BLAMED FOR DI'S DEMISE
FASTER THAN LIGHT TRAVEL FOUND
MAYTAG REPAIRMAN OFFERS TO SAVE MIR
TAMPA TO HOST 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS
NY HOMELESS REFUSE TO EAT PIGEOMS
BAPTISTS STRANDED ON TREASURE ISLAND
BANDERSNATCH GUIDES
BANDERSNATCH HOLIDAYS
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