"How does Santa Visit when there's no chimney?"

Santa's on his way with his reindeer and his sleigh.

He's loaded down with toys for little girls and boys.

He's got millions of children to visit Christmas Eve

who hang up their stockings because they believe

that elves make all the toys, and reindeer really fly,

that it always snows on Christmas, and goldfish never die,

that someday all the bullies will just disappear,

and that the Cubs will win the World Series next year.

But all the pictures I've seen of Santa

have him climbing down the flue

with his finger beside his nose

to leave candy canes and trains

and dolls and brand new clothes

for all the little boys and girls

that Santa surely knows.

But there is something really worrying me

how can Santa visit kids who have no chimneys?

I've never seen a picture of Santa climbing down

a heating duct or sewer vent anywhere in our town.

There is no way Santa can get into our home

unless he arrives by cable, or by telephone.

Our windows and doors are locked to keep us safe from crime.

So how does Santa visit us this Christmas time?

Poor old Santa, he's got no way to get inside

to leave us our toys and goodies during his Christmas Eve night ride.

Maybe Santa's gone modern, existing in cyberspace.

he rides electron beams as he goes from place to place.

He enters on Internet, instead of chimneys.

Santa and his reindeer fly in virtual reality.

So I guess we'll hang our stockings, in front of computer screens.

and hope that Christmas Eve night Santa doesn't need 10 megabytes.

Copyright 1999 by Hugh Holub