COAL SHORTAGE LOOMS AS SANTA PREPARES TO FILL BUSH ADMINISTRATION STOCKINGS
A nationwide coal shortage has been forecast due to an unusually heavy demand from the North Pole, it was learned today.
"Santa has ordered more than 10 times the amount of coal he usually orders." said George Fillbrick, head of the Carbon Emissions Are Necessary Foundation. "The increased demand is apparently due to the enormous number of people Santa plans to reward with lumps of coal in their stockings on Christmas."
Santa reportedly has made a list (and checked it twice) of who was naughty this last year, and this list is enormous.
"There are some 7,000 Bush Administration officials due to get lumps of coal, along with thousands of Wall Street brokers, and tens of thousands mortgage brokers and real estate agents," said Fillbrick.
Environmentalists suggested Santa substitute dog turds in place of lumps of coal this season.
"We think mining coal is reprehensible," said Wendy Storm, head of Citizens Against Virtually Everything. "But some appropriate signal ought to be sent to the swine who ran our country into the ground."
Dog turds are widely available, and thousands of people have already volunteered to donate to the cause, said Storm.
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