|FLOOD OF CORPORATE MONEY
TO DROWN AMERICAN POLITICAL SYSTEM
In a decision that caught no one who pays any attention to the US Supreme Court by surprise, the Court ruled that corporations and unions can spend money on elections.
While they can't give money directly to candidates (except under the table), they can buy ads and run campaigns themselves in support of candidates and election propositions.
According to General Delivery University's Official Political Pundit Joe Sam, a flood of corporate and union money will drown the American political system.
"Just when we thought the individual could influence political campaigns via internet contributions, now the big companies can throw billions into the election process," said Sam.
Advertising agencies, television stations, radio stations, newspapers, and other businesses who make money off political advertising were overjoyed at the news.
"We see a day when political campaigns funded by corporations will be 24/7/365 saving our businesses economically," said on tv station executive.
One less scrupulous radio station owner suggested that media outlets could sponsor initiatives that are hugely unpopular to businesses in order to attract corporate campaign spending.
"In a way, this is a Republic economic stimulus plan," said Sam., "because corporations generally support Republicans and will spend freely to make sure the Democrats never have control of any elected office in the country."
It is small consolation to Democrats that unions are also allowed to spend money on election campaigns.
"Big business has been busting unions for decades, so our membership is a fraction of what it once was," said Terry Sweatsock, head of the International Amalgamated Sock Sewers Union.