COLLEGE OF ENGINEERING
Human beings are born engineers. Just watch a group of kids play in the sand--they will start building roads, sand castles, and digging tunnels.
ENGINEERING 101: TRAFFIC How to design intersections without left turn lanes or traffic lights, and inadequate on-ramps to freeways. [Students must supply their own radio-controlled cars.]
ENGINEERING 102: CONSTRUCTION COST ESTIMATING The preparation of a cost estimate for a project that will bear no resemblance to the final real cost.
ENGINEERING 103: TOY ASSEMBLY This guide is being prepared by children under the age of 12 and is expected to be completed by Christmas, 2010.
ENGINEERING 104: AIRCRAFT DESIGN How to maximize the number of seats on a commercial aircraft while still leaving an aisle. Students wishing to learn this skill are required to fly on Southwest Airlines.
ENGINEERING 105: ELEVATORS What makes all the strange noises in an elevator? Find out.
ENGINEERING 106: REVERSE ENGINEERING How to take something that already exists, take it apart, and figure out how it was done so you can take credit for creating whatever it was.
ENGINEERING 107: UNCIVIL ENGINEERING How to evaluate the work of another engineer whom you are bidding against.
ENGINEERING 108: CONSULTING How to get paid big bucks giving advice to clients who will then ignore what you advise.
ENGINEERING 109: PARTIES How to throw an excellent party for your clients without there being any negative ramifications.
ENGINEERING 110: BIDDING PROCESSES How to get an advance copy of a bid specification and treating public officials to out-of-town trips.
ENGINEERING 111: AUTOMOBILES How to design an automobile that will fall apart one day after the warranty expires, and how to design a seat belt system that is impossible to use will be covered.
ENGINEERING 112:LEVEE DESIGN How not to design a levee will be taught by our former Army Corps of Engineers official who retired involuntarily after the last floods on the Mississippi.
