FREEWAY MEDIANS PROPOSED AS LANDFILL SITES

Are freeway medians the best sites to solve America's garbage problem? Scientists at the General Delivery University think so.

"We have an enormous garbage problem in this country," said Tony Basura, head of the GDU Urban Trash Program. "The problem is we have no place to put all the garbage we generate."

Millions of tons of trash are generated each day throughout the nation, and we are running out of landfill space. "It is enormously difficult to find new sites for landfills because no one wants a dump next to their homes," Basura explained.

The solution, according to Basura, is to use the 40,000 miles of interstate highway medians as landfills.

"The government already owns the land, which is basically worthless," Basura said. "The medians could be trenched out and garbage dumped in them."

The interstate median landfill project would create an equitable system of trash disposal, Basura claimed. "A major problem is the distribution of the garbage. By dumping it in the medians, it would spread the garbage out throughout the country."

Dumping the garbage into the freeway medians would also improve the safety of America's freeway system. "Now we have people crashing into trees and stuff in the medians, or running through them and ending up in head-on collisions," Basura explained. "By digging the medians out, say ten feet deep, and filling them with trash, we'd created kind of a soft landing spot for vehicles. Once they crash into the medians and sink into the garbage, we could just dig the people out. They'd smell pretty bad, but they wouldn't be hurt."

Highway departments immediately objected to the use of medians for trash disposal. "That would make our highway system really ugly," complained Baja Arizona State Highway Director Dusty Rhoads. "We work real hard using prisoners to pick up all the trash in the medians now. Under this proposal we'd have to use the convicts to put the trash back."

However, environmentalists though the use of freeway medians as landfills might work. "A landfill 30 feet wide and 40,000 miles long is very interesting," said Sandra Sample, head of a local Trees for Trash program. "Maybe the landfill could be topped with a row of junked cars to serve as the highway divider."

One wag proposed changing the name of the Golden State Thruway into the California Throwaway.

The burning question, though, is whether toll booths would accept empty bottles and dirty diapers in lieu of exact change.

BACK