The Greatest Political Mistake Ever Made
The Frumious Bandersnatch recently discovered secret Roman Empire communications
Message from Pontius Pilate in Judea to Tiberius Caesar in Rome: We have this guy running around Judea stirring up people and telling them everyone should treat everyone else as neighbors and love your enemies. This religious fanatic could pose a security risk to the Empire.
Tiberius to Pilate: Impose a state of emergency in Jerusalem. Require all gatherings to have to apply for a permit. Don't grant any permits. Do not let large groups of people gather to hear this radical leader.
Pilate to Tiberius: We tried that but the movement keeps growing. This guy is dangerous. People are claiming he takes stones and turns them into loaves of bread, walks on water and raises dead people back to life. Our confidential informant says many people think the guy is the Messiah. Our CI also says the guy talks to God. The CI says the guy told his followers "render unto Caesar what is Caeser's and render unto God what is God's."
Tiberius to Pilate: I am God. everything renders to me. This is a direct threat to my authority. Arrest him and his leadership group.
Pilate to Tiberius: Are you sure? This is only gong to stir things up even more. We could make martyrs out of them. If we ignore them maybe they'll just fade away.
Tiberius to Pilate: Do I have to send someone from Rome to do the job. Cut off the head of the snake.
Pilate to Tiberius: OK. So we arrest the leader. Then what do we do? Id like to put him on a slave galley.
Tiberius to Pilate: Make an example of him. Kill him in some locally cruel and unusual way. Crucifixion.
Pilate to Tiberius: Weve got this Jewish holiday coming up, Passover I think they call it. The guy is getting a bunch of his disciples together for a Seder on Friday. Our CI says he's going to make some important announcement. Should we grab him before the dinner or after?
Tiberius to Pilate: Pick him up after the dinner, hold a show trial, parade him through the city, and nail him to a cross.
Pilate to Tiberius: OK. We did that. Threw in a couple of thieves as well. But three days later the guy's body disappeared and now everyone is saying the guy was "resurrected" and went to live with God up in Heaven and all of us are being saved.
Tiberius to Pilate: Dont worry this will blow over and no one will remember the guy in a few years and things will go back to normal.
Pilate to Tiberius: Just for the record, the guys name was Jesus Christ
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