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Much has been written about divorced people dealing with their children in new relationships. In Arizona, as a condition of getting a divorce when you have kids, one has to go through mandatory counseling about your kids and your dates.

But there is an equally serious problem divorced people face when embarking on new relationships....pets. Especially cats.

If a son or daughter can take a dim view of a new person in your life, and makes life miserable for you, consider what happens when you introduce a new person to your cat.

Cats can be extremely possessive and jealous.

One lady I dated had a cat that would run up and bite me. Not playfully. It seriously tried to sink its teeth into my shin. There is no amount of good sex or love that can overcome rabies shots.

I have a cat. My cat has taken to sleeping on the right-hand side of the bed. One night I had a lady friend try and spend the night. My cat didn't think too much of the idea of giving up her space to my friend. Trust me...when a cat and a woman are fighting for space in a bed, the cat will win.

Now, imagine you have a cat and your girl friend or boy friend also has a cat. This is a serious problem. Maybe your cat will get along with your new love, and maybe her cat will like you. But your cat liking her cat? Don't even think about going there.

How do you introduce your cat to her cat? Do you take your cat to her home, or does she bring her cat to your house? This is probably more difficult a relational problem to solve than getting access to her garage door opener so you can park out of the rain when you are visiting her.

Presumably your cat can smell her cat on you after you've visited her, and vice versa. Each cat knows the other one exists. Maybe this explains why, after visiting her (and her cat), your cat does nasty things like take a dump in your shower.

Assume you try bringing your cat to her home. Will your cat run away? Good chance. Better chance that the cats will stage a spectacular fight, chasing each other all over the place, hissing and spitting at each other.

Cats are extremely territorial.

If you are really lucky, after several weeks of fighting (and finding cat poop in all sorts of interesting places), they will divide up the home. At minimum this will require a his and hers cat box, as well as separate food dishes. If this does not work, consider selling both your homes so you can move both cats into a new house. That way neither cat will have a priority claim over the other to the house.

One way to avoid really serious problems is to start training your cat to sleep on the opposite side of the bed from her cat. This will likely require purchasing a much bigger bed.

Assuming you are successful in blending your cats, there is still the matter of attention. You might be able to ignore each other for days on end, but don't dare to do that with your cats. Each cat requires focused attention from its owner, on demand. Best to try and arrange the sessions with your cat so as to not conflict with giving your new special friend the attention he or she also requires. Cats instinctively know how to demand attention at at exactly the same time your lover also wants attention. They learn this from your kids.

Generally, it is impossible to make love with your cats in the room. This is when both cats will want your undivided attention. Learning how to keep your erotic focus with your cats fighting outside the closed bedroom door is useful.

Ultimately, if your cat and her cat can't get along, you have a major crisis. Do you get rid of your cat, or give up the relationship?



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Copyright 1998-2006 by Hugh Holub