 |
|
|
|
SPECIAL BACK TO SCHOOL
EDITION TUCSON: The National Rifle Association
offered free weapons training to any "The teachers will, however, have to provide their own guns," said
Charlton Heston, outgoing president of the NRA.
Hundreds of teachers signed up for the free gun training. "I ought
to have a fighting chance to survive to retirement," said Sandy Little,
second grade teacher, as she ran off 6 rounds straight into the heart of
the pint-sized target.
When criticized for injecting weapons awareness into classrooms,
Heston noted, "Guns don't kill school kids on playgrounds, it is crazed
little children."
"In the past, those crazy kids could only do minimal damage to their
classmates," retorted Ted Kennedy, "but now they can steal their parents'
44 magnums and blow away half the school population."
"I think school districts ought to provide teachers with free bullet
proof vests," noted Wendy Willshe, President of the Baja Arizona Teachers Union.
"Or at least an extra $500 a year for purchase of a suitable hand gun and
enough ammo to defend themselves."
Meanwhile, the Tucson Disunified School District (TDSD) School Board
debated whether or not to install metal detectors at all elementary
schools. "We already have metal detectors at our high schools and middle
schools," said Charlene Pennywhite, President of the School Board, "but,
it seems the greatest danger to our teachers and students is the
elementary school kids."
SCHOOL BOARD TO DROP AN R The Kokopelli County School Board
debated last night which of the four "r's" to be restored to the school
curriculum after parents won a lawsuit forcing the district to actually
teach children something useful. " Since we cannot offer reading, 'riting
and 'rithmatic in our schools due to budget limitations," noted Samuel
Colt, School Superintendent, "we must choose only one to offer." The
school board voted unanimously to not offer reading courses as no one on
the board could read. Some parents in the district want the fourth "r" offered--the ruler.
"Whack the little rascals across the palms with a ruler whenever they
don't answer right, and they'll learn fast," noted one parent with an
obvious parochial school
education. GENERAL DELIVERY
UNIVERSITY CONTINUES FREE DIPLOMA OFFER
The General Delivery University
continued its free diploma offer, in an announcement made today.
"Our goal is to allow everyone in the world with access to the
internet to get a college diploma," explained General William Delivery,
President of the GDU.
Over 9,000,000 free diplomas have been downloaded from the GDU
website.
"Anyone who can figure out how to use the internet deserves a
college degree," Delivery added.
The GDU has been reviewed by USA Today, and is listed on many
college related websites.
teacher who is afraid of being shot by a student.
