tilly on taxes


More bad advice from the General Delivery University:

There are thousands of ways to reduce your federal income tax liability. Most of them are illegal. We don't guarantee the following suggestions will work, or won't end up having you sent to prison for 162 years:

AVOID MAKING TOO MUCH MONEY: The income tax code still penalizes success. The more money you make, the bigger the bite IRS takes. There is a point each year where you will have to say "no more income" and tell your boss you will work for free. Actually your choice is working for the federal government, or for your boss for free. Nice choice?

ELIMINATE YOUR INCOME: The easiest way to reduce your tax burden is to reduce your income. Quit your job. Sell your business. Declare bankruptcy. As a long-term solution, this method has its downsides.

LOSE MONEY: In theory you can lose as much money as you make, so long as the making is real dollars and the losing is paper money. Big corporations do this somehow. The Bandersnatch needs investors.

DEPRECIATION: Depreciation is a real scam. Everything you own decreases in value over time. Businesses get to deduct depreciation as a real expense, but people don't. Lobby for personal depreciation, the older we get, the lower our tax percentage.

DEPENDENTS: If you believe animals have the same rights as people, take your dog as a deduction. Getting your dog a Social Security number will be difficult.

AVOID BEING SELF-EMPLOYED: Before the advent of income taxes, being in business for yourself as a doctor, lawyer, blacksmith, or whatever were noble professions. You didn't work for "yourself", you offered your services to mostly happy customers. But the federal government doesn't get payroll deductions from traditional small businesses, so they have created the disparaging term "self-employed". When you try and get a loan, just write down "self-employed" on the line for employment, and watch your borrowing capacity vanish. "Self-employed" means audit the rascal in IRS lingo.

INCORPORATE YOURSELF: Corporations get lots of breaks you don't as a human being. For instance, corporations get to write off health insurance costs as a business expenses, but self-employed people get screwed. If you can't figure out what it is you as a corporation would do, don't worry. Apple can't either.

KEEP YOUR BOOKS IN PESOS: Instead of using US currency as the basis for your business, use pesos. No one knows what a peso is worth, except that it will be less tomorrow than yesterday.

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