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Provided by the General Delivery University Carl Young School of Phreneology:


My happiness is not dependent on someone else changing.

I want to receive authentic and genuine love.

If I have to tell the other person how and what to do…is the result genuine and authentic to me?

I can only ask someone else to change to the same degree I am also willing to change.

No one expects me to be an angel except myself.

Is what is happening right now in balance? Or is there an imbalance?

Who is out of or the other?  How can I restore the balance?


My mission and purpose in life is to do a healing ministry.

Is what I am about to do or say furthering my healing ministry?

Everything is important. There are no big or small things. There just “IS”.

There is no “good” or “bad”. There just “IS”. Accept it and go on.

There is nothing real that needs justification or explanation. What prompts justification or explanation is the hiding of a deeper reality that someone fears to express or confront.

I create a safe place to listen and be heard.

Gift management is a full time job. There are no vacations, holidays or sick leave for this job.

People are often looking to hear blame, criticism and rejection because of their own shadows. And they will hear and feel what they want to regardless of what I say or do until they confront their own shadows.

It is not my job to expose other people’s shadows. They have to do this themselves for it to work for them.

Loving means not biting fish hooks.

No one can emotionally hurt me except myself.

Even if I did not intend my loving and caring expressions to be critical or hurtful or negative, I cannot be responsible for the negative reactions of others who are wrapped in their own shadows.

I need to be seen, heard, appreciated, respected, loved and hugged a lot more than I am now.

I want a relationship based on co-creation.

If all I have is a hammer, then everything is going to look like a nail. It would improve my healing ministry if I expanded my tool box.

I am a loving, caring, highly spiritual, compassionate person. How can I improve my communication of that – “stickiness” -- so there isn’t any reasonable doubt where I am really coming from. (It is not my job to deal with unreasonable reactions).

If what I am about to say or do for the purpose of reinforcing my doubt or fear?

Any statement that starts with “you” and then states a negative (such as “you never finish anything”) is a boundary violation and the real goal and caring issue can be lost in the gut reaction people have to boundary violations.

“You” statements (with negative follow) invite defensiveness and conflict in response. Is that my goal?

When I start a statement of my negative feelings with “you” I invite a negative response back.

When I start a statement of my feelings with “I” I am inviting a positive response.

When I start a statement expressing my feelings with “I”   there is no question then that I am not being critical or blaming of the other person…I am simply stating where I am right now and what I am feeling. This approach gives the other person the opportunity to hear me and respond to me, instead of being defensive.

I do not like to hear anything that feels controlling, corrective, critical, blaming, a “put down”, diminishing, judgmental or contemptuous.

I am probably no alone is that sort of reaction.

I want and need to hear my statements and opinions being accepted, honored and appreciated.

I feel angry and rejected when he/she ignores me, freezes me out, doesn’t respond, gets defensive or throws a rock back at me.

I am responsible for my own feelings. No one can make me angry, sad, unhappy, or feel rejected. I am the only person in charge of my feelings. I own them. They are mine.

It is not anyone else’s responsibility or blame for how I feel.

For everything negative or critical I say…even with  all the “I” verses “you” stuff…according to the story in Blink a happy relationship requires 9 times the positive over the negative to work.

Anything I say that is critical about someone else is probably also true of myself.

I want to be asked before he/she does something supposedly for my benefit or to please me.

Doing what I think the other person wants and needs and then feeling like what I did was not appreciated or seen is a very unhappy place for me.

It is each person’s own responsibility to stop throwing rocks, freezing, rejecting, blaming…not solely the other person’s responsibility.

Everything I hear and initially see or feel is not an opportunity to fuel my shadow of rejection, inferiority, abandonment, anger. Sometimes I need to take a second for a “reality” check.

Everything I hear and initially see or feel is not always an attempt to control, manipulate, bamboozle or diminish me. Sometimes I need to take a second for a “reality” check.

If all I can remember at the moment is a list of negative stuff…why can’t I remember just as much positive stuff. Maybe that is a good time to save the expression of the negative stuff until I can make a list of positive stuff just as long...if I can.

It is very helpful to ask what he/she wants before investing a lot of time and 

energy into something that will probably not be appreciated and end up making me feel rejected.

Responding to a rock with a rock, Responding to a freeze with a freeze,

Responding to a rejecting with a rejection, Responding to a criticism with a criticism…Only maintains the cycle of abuse.

If the issue is that one of us over functions and becomes the universal donor for the other to under function, I am doing neither of us a favor in continuing to over function.

If I want the other person to take more responsibility to function, what do I gain if I criticize the details of what that person is attempting to do?

If I start a statement intended to express my feelings with “I” instead of “You”

I have a lot better chance of being heard, being understood about how I feel, and being honored for my feeling.

I am getting better and better every day!

Every day is an opportunity for a new adventure!

All I want to do is to love more and better!

My gifts can sometimes be better spent elsewhere. This is not a rejection. It is a healthy statement about me.