Frumious Bandersnatch Valentine's Day Special

A true story (but the source remains anonymous)

"I work in the medical profession," she explained. "And I got this little box in the mail. A Valentine's Day present, I thought to myself. I opened the box, and much to my surprise I found a life-sized human heart inside," she added. "And a note from the Aztec Life Insurance Company that said they would now cover human heart transplants," she went on.

"I picked up the heart. It felt like a real heart should feel. Kind of soft. And I squeezed it. It actually made a beating sound," she continued.

"On the whole, I'd rather have been given chocolates." she added.

VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL

AZTEC HEART TRANSPLANT INSTITUTE REPLACES BROKEN HEARTS

MEXICO CITY The Aztec Heart Transplant Institute of the General Delivery University has announced a new heart transplant program aimed at people with broken hearts.

"We realized there was an enormous market for replacing hearts broken by failed romances," said Dr. Tlaloc, director of the Aztec Institute.

"The pain of a broken heart is sometimes just too much to bear," said the Joe Sam, Statutory Agent and Foreign Correspondant of The Frumious Bandersnatch, who volunteered to be the first broken heart transplant patient.

Doctors at the National Institute of Health cautioned that replacing broken hearts was a drastic and unproven surgical procedure. "There are a lot less invasive methods, such as psychotherapy and anti-depressant medications," said Dr. George Barry with the NIH. "And then there's the more traditional treatment such as vast quantities of booze."

The Aztec Institute offers a number of transplant options for the broken hearted. "We can replace the broken heart with that of someone who never had any history of heart break, or with a heart from someone who had no emotions...such as a dead lawyer," Tllaloc said. "We can also insert an artificial heart which will guarantee the recipient will never have another broken heart, unless they fall in love with their computer."

"We offer a substantial discount for heart transplants that are performed on Valentine's Day," said Dr. Tlaloc.

"Patients are required to provide their own donor hearts for the transplant operation," Tlaloc added.

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